BPDFamily.com

My daughter spent the weekend at her udBPD mother's house. Saturday evening I get a text from mom telling that they don't have any meds. I had sent my daughter with a weeks worth of meds the previous weekend, so she should have had plenty, right? Nope, she had been carrying the container back and forth between houses and had left it in her room at my house. It's a two hour round trip if there's no traffic, longer if there is. OK, fine she should be OK for a couple of days, right?
Her mother was supposed to come into town and drop her off at school Monday morning, but everyone in her house was sick Monday morning, so she didn't come into town till Tuesday morning.

Monday evening, I looked at her pill container, one of those with M-F compartments that I keep in the kitchen so we can make sure she takes her meds. I noticed that she had missed Thursday and Friday. OK, that's five days without meds...this could get ugly.

She was OK when she got home from school...for a while. She's really good in Debate/Forensics and they were having an awards thing at 7:00 at the school. OK, at the last minute, she tells me that there's a pre-awards dinner at Red Lobster, about 5-ish, 20-30 minutes from our house in rush hour traffic. I've had the hiccups and heartburn on and off the last couple of days, so I asked my adult son if he would take her, and he agreed. So, she dithered about whether or not she wanted to go to the dinner.

I guess she decided not to go, so I went up to her room about 6:25 to see when she wanted to leave for the awards thing. She was REALLY triggered...I got an earful of how important the awards thing was, she had been nominated for an award, but she didn't want to go. I'm still not sure why.

And then things got ugly...

I got the How dare you tell people that I'm delusional, why do you have to lie about me! She was referring to the intake sessions with the County health people when they asked me pointed questions about her behaviour. I made it a point not to use the "D" word, since the fired therapist had used it in a session and that really triggered her. Personally, I wasn't comfortable explaining some of that stuff in front of her, because I knew she would explode. However, her exploding in front of them helped her qualify for county services.

Then  she went on and on crying and telling me not only did she not have BPD, all of her therapists have said that she doesn't have BPD or any of the traits (she hits 7 of 9 in the DSM). She also said how dare I tell them that she was paranoid..which I didn't mention to the county, but it was pointed out to me later by her BPD therapist. Then it was the how dare you tell so many lies about me and my condition..you know none of that is true!

Then she went on a tear about how I want to keep her under my thumb, and don't want her to grow up and move away. (September 20, 2020 can't come fast enough) There was another long tirade about not telling her about appointments. Her mother setup a shared Google calendar probably over two years ago that my daughter, her mother, her grandmother and I have access to. We put all of her therapy and regular doctors appointments, school holidays, when grandma is going to be in town, etc in there. So, I reminded her about that, and she said why does she have to look at a calendar, why can't I just tell her?

And on, and on, and on...  I'm tired of typing.

Or maybe I'm just tired.

Oh boy! What a lot of stuff going on, Skelly!

I've heard that, when a pwBPD succeeds at something, there's a risk of some backsliding. She won an award, that's quite a success. Did she go to the ceremony?

~ OH

No, we didn't go. She didn't want to go since she didn't go to the dinner. I didn't understand the logic in that, since the dinner was a last minute thing, and to my understanding, was optional. She was way too triggered anyway.

I hadn't heard about the connection between success and backsliding. Interesting.

I'm sorry she missed the ceremony, although it sounds like it would have been too much for her anyway.

I only recently learned of the connection between success and backsliding, it makes sense to me after reading more about it.

Here's an excerpt from the article, Supporting a Child in Therapy (https://bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapy)

Remember that change is difficult to achieve and fraught with fears. Be cautious about suggesting that "great" progress has been made or giving "You can do it" reassurances. Progress evokes fears of abandonment. The families of people with Borderline Personality Disorder can tell countless stories of instances in which their son or daughter went into crisis just as that person was beginning to function better or to take on more responsibility.

The coupling of improvement with a relapse is confusing and frustrating, but has a logic to it. When people make progress - by working, leaving day treatment, helping in the home, diminishing self-destructive behaviors, or living alone- they are becoming more independent. They run the risk that those around them who have been supportive, concerned, and protective will pull away, concluding that their work is done. The supplies of emotional and financial assistance may soon dry up, leaving the person to fend for herself in the world. Thus, they fear abandonment. Their response to the fear is a relapse.

~ OH