BPDFamily.com

This is my first post.  I just recently realized my mother suffers from BPD (undiagnosed, she won't go to therapy), but my own therapists have suggested it through the years, and always urge me towards setting strong boundaries -which is something I'm just now learning to do at 42.  I'm also just now realizing how much I equate the extreme intensity, wild roller-coaster mood swings, and clinginess as "love", and therefore keep choosing partners with BPD as well.  For years i joked about how I "always dated stalkers", but never put 2 and 2 together.  My most recent SO also seems to have BPD (also refuses therapy).  My first instinct is to run, but I would like to learn more about this illness that I seem to be surrounded by...and maybe learn how to be closer to my family.

Hi Nita and welcome! 

I am glad you are reaching out and I am happy to say you are in the right place.  We get it here.  On this board we all have a family member with BPD and some of us have repeated that pattern in our adult relationships as well.

Share more as you settle in and read.  Also, I want to direct you to the Survivors Guide at the top of this board.  I am wondering what step you think you are at? 

You mentioned you want to have a closer relationship with your family.  Can you tell us a bit more of what you hope to have?

Hi NitaC,

*welcome*

You don't know what you don't know.  What is familiar is comfortable, even if it's dysfunctional. Realizing this on a logical level is good (why you reached out here and in therapy) and is the first "win," but processing it on an emotional level is quite another thing.  

We have material at the top of the board which can help get you started.  

Lesson 2: Understanding BPD Behaviors (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108307.msg1064892#msg1064892)

Let's talk it out.  We are here to support you  

I know the weird feeling of "What if I'm attracting these people?"

There was about a ten year period where everyone I dated was either using me or turned out to have some kind of mental health issue (or at least I'm guessing from their behavior).

I must have been doing something wrong, but to this day, I don't know what it was.

I knew I was.  I also came to realize that this was a choice. 

Interestingly,  my buddy's sister, who is dBPD, told me after her second failed marriage (and a few boyfriends before, during and after), "I keep attracting  :cursing: [dungy] men!"

I was scared to say anything so I didn't. 

This isn't to paint myself better but at least I, you,  and NitaC (hope she returns!) are reaching out and asking questions.

If you want to start a thread of your own for further discussion,  so we don't hijack this one without the OP present, feel free.  It's an interesting and relevant subject.