Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD => Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD => Topic started by: Danger mouse on July 13, 2019, 08:15:29 PM

Title: Looking for advice please
Post by: Danger mouse on July 13, 2019, 08:15:29 PM
Hi I have had concerns for my daughters mental health for years - ( she is now 29) a recent event lead me to seek out a psychologist to try & make sense of things.  Speaking with her she said that my daughter sounds like she may have BPD & suggested I read "walking on eggshells" which I have just finished.
It made a lot of sense to me!
My daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar when she was around 16 which I felt never really "fitted her"
So now I have the delemia of - do I tell her what I have discovered? Is there a book for her to read is really what I want to know? A book for the person with BPD?

Title: Re: Looking for advice please
Post by: Blueskyday on July 13, 2019, 08:39:09 PM
I think a huge problem is that BPD is not a label we would embrace easily. When I first started researching I found references describing those with BPD like the movie Fatal attraction.
My dtr is not violent. She engages in risky behaviour, lacks empathy, is mean to the dog but she wouldn't boil a rabbit!!

My advice would be to get her to the therapist  and let them speak to her.
You're in great danger of placing yourself in a shoot the messenger situation.  

My dtr was also labelled with bipolar and BPD traits. Like you I knew it wasn't right. My dtr is BPD and has never been wholly "manic" per se.

BPD like everything I guess has a spectrum. How is she with you? My daughter is also 29

Title: Re: Looking for advice please
Post by: FaithHopeLove on July 14, 2019, 07:57:48 AM
Hi Danger Mouse
Welcome to the group. I am glad you found us and sorry for what brings you here. Whether diagnosed or not, knowing your daughter's behavior may be caused by BPD can be helpful in that it gives you a framework to use as you try to understand her and help her. It is also a good reason not to take her bad moments personally. Eggshells is a great book. You might also like "Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder' by Shari Manning. As for whether or not to tell your daughter what you and your therapist are thinking, I would tread lightly. She may not be ready to hear that. My 24 year old son has been diagnosed with BPD but he doesn't like to talk about it. No one likes to feel labeled. Maybe for now it would be better to use this (possible) diagnosis as a way for you to build up your own understanding of what may be happening with her. If the time comes to share it with her you will know. Does that make sense? What else are you comfortable telling us about her? Does she live with you? Does she work? I hope you stick around. We are all in this together.