Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: Ecan on August 12, 2019, 10:18:09 PM

Title: August 6th email and conclusion.
Post by: Ecan on August 12, 2019, 10:18:09 PM
Hi guys.I think I'm bringing this to a close I'm worn out. Getting this out and saying good bye to all of this painful drama sht show I've been in..
 Yes on August 6th my #$%& ex e-mailed me again a month later and I thought I could handle it. She needed  partly a friend and an anchor I said ok even though I had no idea what (partly) meant.  She wondered if we could meet. I said ok and had forgot that she showed some paranoia..when she's like that she questions everything.

We met at the park. We talked. The past came up I found out some information I did not have/remember? about her living arrangements only being for 2 years she claimed she told me. She was upset she said she was kicked out.
Then I found out that she did not see the note I put  on her car. . Which had gotten me confused I asked her when she put the note in my truck. That note was horribly bad..knocked me on my butt bad. She said after I sent her a letter. I was confused because that's the last thing I found from her..
So here are the facts I sent a letter through mail, nothing bad at all just asking for closure. She put a very nasty note in my truck, then a not so bad note in my car, then she comes  to my work and gives me a card says it's from my Higher Power. To believe in myself..

As we talked i was stupid I talked to her like she was my friend. I was honest I told her how I struggled the past three months and she could see I gained over 30 lbs then you mix that in with us talking about our past or rather my past mistakes ,wrong assumptions and I slowly lost what ever shine she thought I might have.

The next day we talked and I expressed my self about how the information about her moving  dead line in two years kinda unraveled me because I based a lot of assumptions on the fact that she acted like she wanted stay where she was living but then moved back with her husband. And also how her note in the truck along with something my mom told me about my childhood really put me on my butt and I went into a deep depression that I got myself out of. She had nothing to say about that. Nothing.

Any way with that GAME OVER!!!!! She was done. She literally deemed me unsafe to be around. She wasn't going to chance it. And that I was still stuck in my mess and I was a danger.
May be I was testing her or may be i wanted her to know she hurt me with out saying out right either case things went down hill fast. So today she writes a long email stating everything she can why she is saying bye bye and Mabe we could talk about being friends in the future.and for me not to Assume anything. That is weird because she has never expressed a want for that it's always been the opposite. I'm thinking WHY?

Then states she will leave the email open so I can reply...? I was at work wish I would've asked could I wait to reply wen i got home however i didnt. I replied half azz. Later I read her email  and saw things I didn't at work. Oh well it's done she's gone it all dose not feel real.
I'm confused because I thought a friend is what she wanted..I question what I was auditioning for?

I hated it, a part of me was hoping I would have lied to her or at least not said much....I never use to lie before her. It was wrong however it seemed she preferred for me to lie because it kept a balence. I hated it when my thoughts of lying started to come up again I have worked hard not to lie.

I'm so sick of feeling like things are my fault. I am not intelligent enough to be with her.. I am simple I can't keep up with the rules that govern a relationship like this..I really wish she doesn't ever contact me again. My love for her has decreased so much now. I hate it feels like I've been here way to many times. I think someone here said it felt like being a used rag doIl. They are right it feels like she picked me up pulled the string and didn't like what I said so down I go.
 I erased all her resent emails already that's a first. I am so frustrated at myself at her at bpd..

For the first time I want this to be over. I want to walk far away out of her reach...I honestly had no idea She would have wanted anything to do with me again. She said she didn't even know why she contacted me. 6th s is so messed up.

 I'm done I don't want to see anything about bpd for awhile it feels like a life time I have trying to understand it and I failed...

I want to thank everyone who has walked with me on this journey.