BPDFamily.com

Hello-
I am new here and am hoping to get some advice.  My daughter who is a Type 1Diabetic was diagnosed with BPD in May. Unfortunately she refused to go to her last counseling appointment where her counselor#1 shared the diagnoses with us. It all made sense to my husband and I at that point.  We have not told her what the counselor#1 said as we are afraid of the turmoil it will cause.  She turned 18 in June.  Our DD knows that she has to manage her emotions but refuses to go to therapy as she says nothing is wrong with her.  She is headed off to college in a few weeks.

 A little background, in May we had to take DD to the emergency room for one of many cutting episodes.  At that time the counselor( I will call her counselor #2) she had been seeing had diagnosed her with OCD and anxiety.  The counselor#2 and a nurse practitioner had my DD on antidepressants and a low dose anti psychotic mood stabilizer med.  My husband and I had gone into one of her counseling appointments questioning the approach.  After feeling really uneasy, we finally brought our DD back to her primary care doc who felt that we needed a second opinion and sent us back to her original counselor#1 from when she was in middle school.  In middle school we had to stop seeing counselor#1 due to to high of out of network expenses thus having to go to counselor#2.

Long story short, our DD has been very difficult emotionally throughout her childhood.  The tantrums, lying, not wanting to get out of bed, not going to school, screaming to get her way, manipulation etc has come to a tipping point.  We have not had another cutting episode since May but she barely made it her through her last term of high school to graduation. Now this summer she is back to her old ways of staying out until all hours of the night, not getting a job, borrowing money from us, leaving our home a disaster and expecting us to cater to her.  Because of her Type 1 Diabetes we have to help her somewhat financially as she is insulin dependent and can die without insulin. At this time we will be helping her with college expenses and she has received some scholarship money that will be a help.

I'm hoping to find out how we can set huge boundaries with her.  Any advice is greatly appreciated.  I am exhausted and running on fumes.  My marriage goes through so much due to her drama.  I'm worried that if we don't get this right that she will be spinning out of control for years to come. Do your children ever appreciate the help you give them? Or care that you worry for their health, happiness and safety?  I am so lost!

Many thanks in advance!

Hello ScaredWorried
Welcome to the group. You are in the right place to get help and support. I truly do feel the pain and frustration in your post. All of us have been there. BPD behavior can be very hard to live with. It is not unusual for people to reject the diagnosis, refuse treatment etc. My son is the same way. He hates the label and the idea of being "sick." It is understandable I suppose particularly given the unfair stigma of this disorder. He also rarely shows appreciation or empathy for me and my husband. I don't think that is possible for people who are so wrapped up in their own emotional pain to do.

The good news is there is hope. Things can get better. You coming here is a great first step. The more you learn about BPD, particularly the communication skills, the better able you will be to improve your relationship with your daughter and your own peace of mind.

What do you want to focus on first?

Hugs
Faith