BPDFamily.com

I am new here. I have a 16 year old daughter with bpd. I am new to all of this and am struggling to discipline. She has tried to end her life twice and i am so scared that if i am not there for her 24hrs a day 7 days a week she will try it again.

Hello Saltymom
Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place for information and support. I am so sorry for what you are going through with your daughter. My son has also made several suicide attempts. It is terrifying. You mention trying to discipline your daughter. Can you say more about that? What are your goals with her? How can we help?
Hugs
Faith

I feel like i cant say no. If i do she will fall into a dark space and attempt suicide gain. Or if she doesnt want to help around the house she will say she is too sad or depressed. Or grounding her for not going to school or taking away vehicle privileges. She says she need to be able to escape when she needs to. To go hang out with friends to get her mind off the sadness. I just feel helpless. I am afraid letting her do whatever she wants will backfire on me but if i try to steer her in the right direction it makes her get in her head and get more depressed.

Living under the constant threat of suicide is terrifying. I can see why it might be tempting to let your daughter do whatever she wants in hopes she will not try again. You are right that it could backfire though. Maybe this is a good time to set some healthy boundaries. Here is an article that really helped me to learn how to do that.  Setting Healthy Boundaries  (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) Setting boundaries is not about ultimatums. It is about you being true to your own core values and deciding what behaviors you are and are not willing to tolerate in your home and choosing a course of action in the event those boundaries are violated. When interacting with a person with BPD your boundaries need to be very well chosen and very strong. Have a look and see what you think. Let me know if this information helps you. I wonder. Do you think your daughter may be using the threat of suicide to manipulate you?

Does your daughter accept that she has BPD?

Even talking about suicide can be scary, much less attempting. Do you feel comfortable talking about what happened?

I am taking a class for family members whose loved ones are chronically suicidal and it surprises me how fiercely they insist on calling 911, to not try and manage it ourselves. These are people who were suicidal and have created a life worth living for themselves doing peer counseling.

24/7 care and surveillance is not sustainable and giving in can, according to people who have shared their expertise with me, actually lead to an accidental suicide. It's so confusing, knowing what to do. I'm glad you're here and willing to learn with us as we walk this path.

LnL  :hug:

Welcome Saltymom! I understand your struggle in a very difficult situation. Before I had an alarm installed I was doing 2 hour bed checks and close to crash and burn myself. My daughter at 16, now 17, has eloped twice since the alarm into oncoming highway traffic. Not necessarily with the intent to end her life, but to escape in a state of rage/confusion. The latest incident resulted in my restraining her at an intersection to get her to safety at side of road and a take down until police arrived. The safety plan was in place and the alarm triggered and the 911 call was sent, yet Her, my son, the dog and myself were nearly killed. She involuntarily bit me while restrained and the police are charging it as domestic violence. The good news is I requested a new hospital for ER EMS transfer and was ready for the situation. She transferred to inpatient for 2 weeks and is now at day 3 of her first residential, with treatment mandated by the referral to juvinile. My second DCFS investigation in 6 months. Yet I feel blessed that she is in treatment prior to her 18th birthday. Keep reaching out for help! MM