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Title: Settling into a New Life Post by: dunkinflavor on September 14, 2019, 08:26:00 PM It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. About 4 months or so. I survived a whole summer of my best friend/ex with BPD trying to come back into my life after I cut her off. She was just toxic, tried to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend, was emotionally and physically abusive towards me. Getting through this summer alone was extremely painful, and I am just proud of the fact that I got through all while in a long distance situation with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is my best friend, and she has been my main support while I got out my BPDex and also lost the friend group that I had.
I hope this part doesn’t sound weird, but it has been something I have been struggling a lot with. Now that my extremely toxic best friend is out of my life for good, I have had trouble accepting my new life. My life is honestly great, but I keep finding myself trying to self-destruct. It’s as if I’m trying to bring the drama that she brought into my past life into my new one. I feel like this is such a terrible quality I have and it is so linked to why I stayed in the toxic situation so long. I relatively young, 22, so if anyone has just some advice to help me settle into a life of calamity, rather than the intense up and downs that would be great. Any wisdom you all have is greatly encouraged. Title: Re: Settling into a New Life Post by: gotbushels on September 15, 2019, 09:40:38 AM dunkinflavor :hi:
Getting through this summer alone was extremely painful, and I am just proud of the fact that I got through all while in a long distance situation with my girlfriend. A big congrats on getting through that summer. Of course doing that that must have been hard—especially since you had a long-distance situation during that time with your gf. I of course know what it's like having someone with BP traits interfere with our friendships. It's even harder when one of our main support legs isn't easy to reach—we have to rely a lot on our own strengths.My life is honestly great, but I keep finding myself trying to self-destruct. It’s as if I’m trying to bring the drama that she brought into my past life into my new one. I feel like this is such a terrible quality I have and it is so linked to why I stayed in the toxic situation so long. As strange as this sounds—your struggle is something I too had when I was in my 'new life'. I'd like to share three pieces of advice with you on this.1. Keep going on your self-care (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.msg1105451#msg1105451). 2. Praying—personally this helped me a lot. 3. Investigate what's causing your 'self-destruct'. I found when I searched my issues that were causing me anxiety—it actually made them much easier to handle. If you have a school counsellor (find a good one—I had a bad one once), I strongly encourage you to do this with them. Or if you can afford a T right now (tough at 22), then try to get the time to get through it with them. It's much easier than doing it yourself and can often be much more effective (it can be their job to help people process these things). Good luck and enjoy your peace. Keep discussing on the board if it helps you. |iiii Title: Re: Settling into a New Life Post by: Lucky Jim on September 16, 2019, 02:22:27 PM Hey dunkin, Agree w/gotbushels: keep going on your self-care, with emphasis on learning to love and accept yourself. It sounds easy but is pretty hard for us Nons. The goal is to reach a place where you care too much about yourself to ever let yourself become the object of anyone's abuse again. Same thing applies to self-destructive behavior, which will disappear as you learn to love and accept yourself. No, you don't need all that drama and turmoil. Suggest be grateful to have moved on in a healthier direction.
LuckyJim |