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It is difficult to enforce consequences for DS15 as he is with us every other weekend. His stepmother and I are following advice of T, to require DS15 to apologize for a number of incidents before he can rejoin us on rewarding events. That is, he isn't grounded, but I'm not doing him any favors until he apologizes. The problem is that with him here every other weekend, his strategy is to sit in his room with the door closed and watch netflix until the visit is over. T said this could take months or a year, just keep delivering the same message...I'm sad that he can't join us to do X and hope that he can take responsibility for his behavior so that he can join us in the future. Same message, over and over, every other weekend. He sits, we hold the line.

What is your son supposed to apologize for? What will be gained by it if he does? Is he really a sociopath?

A 15yo being labeled sociopathic is rough, but I have seen it personally. What is he doing that is so bad to apologize for?

Long history with DS15. He is prone to outbursts and violence, to the extent he spent 5 years in RTCs. When he doesn't get his way, he has a long history of harming himself and threatening others.

Upon his return from RTCs to my home, he acted out at my home. He recently stood outside the master bedroom, screaming stepmother's name over and over and over...at 5:30 am. He would circle the yard or the living room, glaring and raging. He ran away from home multiple times, the police brought him back, he ran away again, and again. He created a fake credit card and then used it to place orders for computer equipment at Amazon. In summer camp, when he didn't want to do an activity, he used abusive language towards staff, and ate poison mushrooms in an attempt to be sent home. Once home, back to glaring and posturing. When he did not like his placement in a special education math class, he insulted his classmates, disrupted the class, disrespected the teacher. Any attempt to discuss why his actions were hurtful to others, how they impact others, all met with argument and denial. He really has no remorse for how these behaviors impact others -- all he can see is whether or not he got his way.

So, at a bare minimum, I expect him to apologize to his stepmother, for the way he treated her -- take responsibility for the verbal abuse and intimidation. This needs to happen before I'm willing to go out and do things with him. Go to a sport practice, go out to lunch or dinner, walk downtown to get ice cream, etc.

Hi Prof,
I am glad you have a therapist involved in this as it must be difficult for you.  Are you coping ok?  Coping at all, etc?