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Title: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: LilMe on October 02, 2019, 01:19:14 PM I find myself here more often recently trying to find answers. I am struggling to detach. We share custody of our 3 children so I must see him twice each week. He is dating someone in the community that I come in contact with through my work occassionally and I think that somehow put me back in a bad place. It doesn't help that he is suing me for custody for the 4th time and I panic at even the thought of lawyers and court.
I only have access to a free counselor who is kind and supportive, but doesn't help me work through things at all. It hit me last night that in my subconscience I am still trying to think of ways to fix the relationship. I know it is ridiculous, but I don't know how to make it stop. I lost everything when I left and now own a beautiful home and have great relationships with my grown children, friends, and family. I am very successful in my career and respected in the community. But I cry every day and can't seem to move on. I am hoping this is a breakthrough and I will come out of it soon! Any suggestions or advice is much appreciated! Title: Re: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: Longterm on October 02, 2019, 01:35:30 PM Hi Lilme.
Excerpt I find myself here more often recently trying to find answers. I am struggling to detach. What answers are you looking for? Ask away. Excerpt He is dating someone in the community that I come in contact with through my work occassionally and I think that somehow put me back in a bad place. It doesn't help that he is suing me for custody for the 4th time and I panic at even the thought of lawyers and court. This sounds tough and must be difficult to deal with. Why is he suing you for the 4th time? If hes been unsuccessful 3 times I would remind yourself that this is most likely futile on his end. Excerpt It hit me last night that in my subconscience I am still trying to think of ways to fix the relationship. I know it is ridiculous, but I don't know how to make it stop. Ye, been there. It can be incredibly difficult when our thought processes take over, it is not ridiculous at all, in the circumstances, it is fairly normal. Time will make healing easier. Excerpt I only have access to a free counselor who is kind and supportive, but doesn't help me work through things at all. Maybe you could share these concerns with your counsellor? You could always ask for a different one too. Excerpt I lost everything when I left and now own a beautiful home and have great relationships with my grown children, friends, and family. I am very successful in my career and respected in the community. It sounds like you have come a long way, kudos for that, it's not easy to rebuild from the rubble. Excerpt But I cry every day and can't seem to move on. I am hoping this is a breakthrough and I will come out of it soon! Any suggestions or advice is much appreciated! Ups and downs are common so try to remind yourself that your mood will improve at some point. Do you find that low points are less frequent than they once were? Or do you feel like you are stuck? LT. Title: Re: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: LilMe on October 03, 2019, 03:48:26 AM Thank you for responding, LT. I am definitely stuck. I thought I was doing pretty well until the girlfriend thing happened. Hoping I will pass through this soon and be in a better place.
The court thing is so stressful and expensive. He is very smart and has money and knows how to use and manipulate the legal system. He has 'proven' things in court that are not actually true! I did not have the money for a lawyer in the past so it was very hard to defend myself and protect my children. I have a good lawyer now. He has asked if I would agree to drop this case now. I am meeting with my lawyer tomorrow to decide what to do. And insomnia! Ugh. I go around in a fog from lack of sleep. I have no problem falling asleep, but am wide awake in a couple of hours and can't get back to sleep. Title: Re: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: Longterm on October 03, 2019, 09:05:18 AM I think when our exes get new partners it always hurts. I know from personal experience that they are treated the same, the cycle happens with them too. I find it helpful to remind myself of how I've been treated and how much better off I am without the drama in my life.
If dropping the case will benefit you and lessen drama then do it, the less stress the better. The sleeping is horrible right? It does get easier as I've said. I'm a big fan of meditation these days, since doing it my sleep has improved a lot. I had the same pattern you describe but I sleep much longer now. Are you taking any meds currently? LT. Title: Re: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: BeHappyAgain on October 03, 2019, 09:32:04 PM Hi LM
Pure speculation on my part; * Maybe what feels like depression (that you attribute to still wishing to 'fix' the relationship), is partly the stress and fatigue of having to battle a wealthy, smart personality disordered ex through the legal system ? It sounds tough. But, on the bright side - so do you if you've maintained a great career, made a beautiful and safe home - all while looking after your kids and defending yourself in court, you must be a force to be reckoned with. I hope you get support here and in real life *) Title: Re: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: LilMe on October 04, 2019, 12:30:58 PM No meds, LT. No insurance and I'm not a chemical kind of gal. I was so exhausted so slept well last night.
More like a workaholic co-dependent with attachment issues, BeHappy :) But at least I am using it in a positive way. I feel a little better after meeting with my lawyer yesterday. She has a plan - we will see if it works. Title: Re: 3 1/2 years out and struggling Post by: BeHappyAgain on October 05, 2019, 06:01:00 AM Excerpt More like a workaholic co-dependent with attachment issues Hmmm sounds like someone I know.. :) |