BPDFamily.com

I live in or around Oakland ca./ SanFrancisco
Are there any support groups for people that have bpd coparents or are currently dealing with someone with bpd?

Hey Spacebar, welcome to the virtual group  *)

I'm not in your area, but I've done some searching for "in person" support groups myself. Here's what I've tried or would recommend:

-Local churches often have "basic" support groups (like DivorceCare); but some larger churches often have more specific support groups, that wouldn't necessarily require you to be of the same faith. I actually found a group through a local Baptist church (I'm not Baptist) for people who have LGBTQ+ family members.

-Some churches in our area collaborate with a local family counseling practice to offer free parenting classes. So, you could again ask at a church, or flip through the phone book (if that's still a thing) or search online for a bigger counseling practice, then give them a call and just ask if they have a group. Or, if they know of a group in town that they could point you to.

-Check out community colleges & universities that have any kind of counseling, counseling psychology, child development, conflict resolution, etc, programs. Call the department's main phone # and even if they don't offer a group, I bet they'd be able to point you to some ideas. If they do offer a group, it might be low cost or free (often so that the students can get experience).

-I wanted a very specific sort of group and called a counseling practice here; they didn't have it, but recommended I try psychologytoday.com, which has a pretty detailed search feature. Worth a shot.

-Poke around on the "Son/Daughter with BPD" board here on the site -- a lot of the parents there talk about something called "Family Connections". I don't know much about it but it sounds like a support group if a family member has BPD/mental illness? Hopefully some members will chime in here; but if not, don't hesitate to post on the S/D board and also search online for "Family Connections group".

Tough stuff Spacebar... we're here for you, too, in addition to the group I hope you find.

Some time back (before separation) friends at the gym mentioned that were active with a local NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) group focused on family members. I asked a lot of question that I think gave me away, and they provided the contact information for the person who organized the weekly meetings. I never went though.

I go to a faith-based 12-step group that has been very helpful and has given me new friends that get these sorts of struggles. They know all the bad-and-ugly that wasn't for my long-term friends. I'm sorry, but the stuff many of us go through it's what you share when moms get together for coffee.

I used to live in Northern CA and my exH used to go to a dad’s support group in Marin County, tho’ it wasn’t specifically for BPD.  Try looking for a men’s / dad’s support group, and maybe that can lead you to some men who are dealing with the hard issues you’re facing.

Also, if you can find a T (therapist) who understands BPD and can help you with setting boundaries.  Now is not the time for you to feel criticized, but to feel supported in your efforts.  I picked this up from your other post.

Your child means the world to you.  And she deserves her dad to be front and center in her life.

Wishing you all the best.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

Thank you all for your kindness and replies. Seems like some good stuff there. I cannot believe how incredibly hard this is.

Nice to hear from you again. You're right... this is HARD stuff. Whatever level of support we can give you, low to high, just let us know.

Cheers;

kells76

Find people who get it, and focus on them for support.

Most people don't and that's fine. I'm selective about who I share with.