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Title: is it truly black or white thinking or are there shades of grey in between? Post by: Xeonrebel on October 11, 2019, 01:10:03 PM Hi. The reason im posting this question is because i dont know what actually happens when the exBPD partner (gf in my case) start fishing or baiting.
I've read old posts of how a lot of us report that even when the ex partner is in a new relationship with the replacement they still throw some bait, either covertly (in my case) or way open as in a text message, email or phone call. it is assumed on those posts that it has something to do with being split white while the replacement is slowly being split black. but then again, why some bait covertly even when theres proof that they are actually doing ok with the replacement? does it have something to do with the reverse grieve? or is it a push pull dynamic even if they dont want to come back to the previous relationship? in my case, my exBPDgf is posting with a week of difference tweets, the first ones were about her playing football and receiving a diploma for an investigation she made. i didnt react, only saw the tweets. last wednesday, same day, same hour, she tweeted 3 more pictures, one where she was receiving the same diploma, except she is thanking somebody (i believe me, because i helped her with that) and 2 other pictures that are unrelated but with some sort of meaning, like, "hey, look, im hurt (she sliced her finger with a glass i think)" and the other is like a picture of a painting of a woman looking at a starred sky. the same dynamic happened exactly 3 years ago when we broke up, the difference was that there wasnt any replacement at the moment and it took quite a few months (about 4 o 5) between the broke up and those twitter baits (again some pictures and some sentences about missing me or something like that). to this day there hasnt being a direct contact with me, only a side contact (twitter) so to speak. the thing is that a few days earlier i knew for a fact that on her facebook she is doing quite alright with the replacement. i myself im actually on another relationship. curiously or stupidly, i dont know, she pretends to re-start the same dynamic that happened 3 years ago, with different variables (a third person or replacement), expecting the same results, in this case me chasing her, begging, paying attention to her, etc etc etc... and expecting silence as a result.. so, what could it be? shades of grey? splitting white again? push pull dynamic? doesnt want to loose her doormat? what are your thoughts or experience about this? i myself decided to continue no contact and no react to those tweets. the reason is that i dont want to be an enabler anymore, and by enabler i mean doormat, even if she hadnt left me for somebody else, the way she treated me at the end, with no respect, coldness, like if 9 years of relationship where only 9 hours its just enough cause to get out and never look back. thanks. Title: Re: is it truly black or white thinking or are there shades of grey in between? Post by: Lucky Jim on October 15, 2019, 04:28:23 PM Hey Xeonrebel, I think it's pretty common for a BPDx to throw you a few crumbs to see if you are still on the line, just in case. Those w/BPD, as you know, have a fear of abandonment and like to know there is a backup plan if things don't work out with the current SO. I think you are wise to decline to engage. Like you, I became a doormat, due to my own misguided sense of loyalty to a persecutor who treated me poorly. It was not fun and a painful process, but it forced me to dig deep to regain myself again.
LuckyJim |