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Title: Could use encouragement Post by: HopefulAndTired on October 13, 2019, 07:19:24 AM I am new to this site. I am experiencing challenges not getting hooked by my partner's angry emotional outbursts that come from what seem to me to be inconsequential triggers, though I understand they are very real triggers for my partner. I am familiar with the BPD patterns and anxiety/control/unloading/despair cycle. At the same time, I am not consistently able to neutralize my innate human self-protection response to his BPD episodes. I often feel a need to self-protect during my partner's outbursts, as they are generally focused on me. My spouse is very successful in his work and appears to others as charming and helpful and loving, which are authentic aspects of his personality. However, during his episodes which he appears to save for me, he is a totally different person full of rage and hostility. I feel so sad for him and us, and like a failure as a wife and friend even though I know I am not. I am just looking for some understanding from others who may relate to my experience. I love him very much. I am also very, very tired of the BPC rollercoaster.
Title: Re: Could use encouragement Post by: Radcliff on October 14, 2019, 08:45:05 PM *welcome*
I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. You're not alone, and have found a great place to get support. Many folks here will be able to relate to your experience. You'll be able to learn tools to lessen the impact of these situations on you. Can you describe one of his recent rage episodes? What triggered it, what did he do, and how did you respond? RC Title: Re: Could use encouragement Post by: Gcarter on October 14, 2019, 09:34:52 PM I remember those days. Where every move you made is a wrong one, even if it's exactly what they asked for. The anger is just overflowing.
Just make sure to give yourself time and space after is passes IF YOU CAN, to rejuvenate. Title: Re: Could use encouragement Post by: VaticanCameos on October 14, 2019, 09:39:58 PM I am new to this site. I am experiencing challenges not getting hooked by my partner's angry emotional outbursts that come from what seem to me to be inconsequential triggers, though I understand they are very real triggers for my partner. I am familiar with the BPD patterns and anxiety/control/unloading/despair cycle. At the same time, I am not consistently able to neutralize my innate human self-protection response to his BPD episodes. I often feel a need to self-protect during my partner's outbursts, as they are generally focused on me. My spouse is very successful in his work and appears to others as charming and helpful and loving, which are authentic aspects of his personality. However, during his episodes which he appears to save for me, he is a totally different person full of rage and hostility. I feel so sad for him and us, and like a failure as a wife and friend even though I know I am not. I am just looking for some understanding from others who may relate to my experience. I love him very much. I am also very, very tired of the BPC rollercoaster. Hi! You are not alone. I can relate 100% to what you're going through and it is so hard. My husband also has bpd and has irrational outbursts of anger. It can be terrifying and of course trigger my self-preserving instincts. I understand that all too well. I usually just retreat and avoid him as much as possible. The frustrating things for me are trying to shield our daughter from his episodes and him acting like nothing happened the next day.I wish there was a way to get your husband to admit his need for help. That's what I wish for everyone who's dealing with someone with bpd. My husband ended up cutting himself and doing some other self-destructive behaviors recently and he decided to go to the doctor who prescribed him some meds and referred him to a psychologist (whom he has yet to see). Anyway, you are NOT alone and millions of people can relate. It sucks big time and I'm sorry for you. I really hope he can get some help :) |