BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I am here because I am tired, confused, hurt, angry and profoundly sad. My only sister has a long history of raging, blaming, etc...and hasn’t spoken to me in 5 weeks.  Although she has done this since we were teens, we are in our 50s and I am beyond exhausted by this game. I cannot live my life like this anymore. I have learned not to react to her scathing texts, threats and cruelty. But it hurts me so much. I am very strong and am adept at sweeping my feelings away but this last battle has gutted me to my core. I am devastated by her cruelty at this stage of our life and just had an epiphany that she doesn’t really love me.  I am gutted. Neither of us are married or have kids.  We are a year apart and have many of the same friends, interests and activities making this more complicated.

I called a therapist and had my first session yesterday. I bought Stop Walking on Eggshells. I want to heal because I feel like I am in pieces and losing myself.  I feel scared because I am so angry with her, I feel like I want to hurt her too. I have lost weight, I cannot sleep. I know I need help. God help me and God help her.

Hi.  I am glad you found us and posted.  You are in a safe place and with people who understand and can support you.  We have a lot of members with siblings with BPD.  These relationships can be devastating and are painful to deal with.  Things can get better for you though just as it has for many of us posting here.  :hug:

Can you share more about what happened recently with your sister?  How long have you known about BPD?

Please share more as you wish to and in the meantime read and feel free to jump into other threads.  We all share and work together to support and encourage each other.

*welcome*

What was this last battle, and how bad was it that you feel gutted?

My sister hasn’t been diagnosed but my own research brought me here. Her behavior is so similar to BPD. She constantly tells me that I stress her out, that I am egotistical, selfish, controlling, judgmental. We were visiting friends at home in Oct. She does not get back there as often as I do and a guy she dated (35 years ago!) showed up at the bar and sat with us. Apparently I talked to him too long because when we got back to my moms, she fired off a scathing text accusing me of practically having an affair with the guy, embarrassing her in front of her friends and “ she would never do that to me”...I was completely shocked. Her drinking is usually a factor in these out bursts or at least another influence.

She ruined my trip that weekend because she wouldn’t talk to me and hasn’t since Oct 4. I asked a week ago if w could sit down and clear the air before we go home for Thanksgiving but to no avail.  She travels for work and I used to help watch her dog who I am VERY attached to. She punishes me by keeping me away from the dog despite me helping care for her for over 10 years.  She hired an enabler who is also codependent and very dysfunctional to care for the dog. 

I know any day now, she will snap out of it and act as if nothing happened. That is the pattern. But I am so tired of the dance! So tired of being treated like dirt when I have helped her in so many ways. I am not perfect by any means but I do not push buttons or instigate fights. I want to fight back so badly but know that is what she wants. I would never take this crap off anyone but she is my only sister and know someday, we will be all each other has.

It is terrifying for me that she can be so heartless, cold and triggered by the smallest thing and a reality I cannot see. How can I navigate that? I would love it if she would go to therapy with me but know better. She has never, ever apologized to me in my life—-she just decides she is over it and expects me to move on as if nothing happened. I don’t want to fight but I don’t want her to think I am accepting this behavior.