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Title: Is this a good validating statement? Post by: Methuen on November 18, 2019, 12:39:15 PM I am trying to do what I can to learn how to better respond to my BP mother when she "goes Borderline" on me.
I have been reading on validating, and trying to absorb the depth of it. I'm wondering, is this a good validating statement? "I can see you are upset, and feeling______________ (angry, sad, frustrated, like a failure...etc). Can you tell me more about what is upsetting you? I love you very much, and would like to work with you to solve it together." So I put that into my phone last night, so that the next time my mom rages at me and my brain stops working (when I am triggered), I can look at my cheat sheet (phone) if I need to, and know what to say in the moment. Anything I should add or take away from that? Title: Re: Is this a good validating statement? Post by: once removed on November 18, 2019, 02:27:46 PM yes, it is a good validating statement.
the key to validation is sincerity and authenticity. speaking how you normally do, naturally, in the context of that relationship. if you arent doing that, anyone will see right through it, think you are talking down to them, or being robotic, or trying to make the problem go away. so, does your statement feel natural to you? Title: Re: Is this a good validating statement? Post by: pursuingJoy on November 18, 2019, 02:34:50 PM methuen, great idea to think this through and have it ready to cue up on your phone!
Title: Re: Is this a good validating statement? Post by: Methuen on November 19, 2019, 03:21:10 PM Point taken once removed. Better to not read it like I'm reading from a textbook.
I'm feeling the authenticity as I prepare for the next dysregulation, but I get your point that I shouldn't use it if I'm not feeling authentic in the moment. I've adjusted the last sentence a little to make it more natural. Thanks for the feedback. |