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My niece is a budding gymnast and is highly skilled. She is 12 years old and my bpd sister constantly makes her practise and stretch, but most concerning - she controls everything my niece eats and although my niece is worryingly thin, my sister constantly comments on her weight and points out where she's "fat" - which is absolutely nowhere, the child's bones are protruding for crying out loud. If she thinks my niece has put on so much as a pound my sister will up her daughter's exercise regime.

As you can imagine my bpd sister will make our lives hell if we call her out on her behavior. Despite that, we do go into bat for my niece, but that only seems to make things worse. My sister will just take out her rage on her daughter.

My dear niece loves gym and wants to be a gymnast, but her mom takes advantage of my niece's passion and uses it against her, telling her "if you want to be a gymnast then you have to practise this much and eat the way I tell you". We are at a loss and don't know what to do to help my niece. Child services have visited but of course my sister is so great at spinning her own truth and getting people to feel sorry for her that nothing has come of it.

I have searched online and can't find any similar stories of parents abusing their children in this manner for gym/dance/other goals. I'm desperate to hear from anyone who may have witnessed a similar dynamic. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks,

Emi

My mom's neighbor was very involved with her daughter's gymnastics. The daughter developed bulimia and possibly anorexia as a likely result.  The daughter moved away and got married.  What was telling was that when her dad left her mom for a younger woman, daughter didn't hold it against him and practiced emotional cut-off towards her mom. 

How did  CPS become involved the first time? How is your relationship with your niece?

I hear your loving concern for your niece. Every time there is a report to CPS, CPS has to investigate again in some form. Also, CPS does not share what actions they take which can be recommending counseling or doing a follow up at some point.

I wonder what the gymnastics coaches have to say about her diet?  Gymnasts need muscle, and muscle needs food protein with iron and all the other micronutrients.  I would hope the coaches also coach about healthy eating with their gymnasts.  That is usually included in the training, so hopefully your niece is getting exposed to healthier ideas there, than she is with her mother.

Do you see your nieces relationship with good as being healthy, or unhealthy (influenced by unhealthy ideas about body image)?

Granted she may appear to be thin, but is it possible that could be after a growth spurt, and her body weight  has yet to catch up after the vertical growth?  I’m not questioning your concern, just putting the idea out there. 

A trip to see a registered dietitian could be helpful as that would be objective medical dietary support , especially as it would take into account the needs for her sport.  Where I live, anyone can make an appt  to see a dietitian ( a doctors referral is not needed).  A dietitian would look at her height/weight/body fat, listen to her activity schedule, consider her medical history and dietary preferences, and make recommendations.  If the mother has unhealthy ideas, she could unwittingly expose them, and the dietitian may pick up on it.

Just a thought.

This should say "food"