Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: whoneedsleep on January 14, 2020, 11:22:38 PM

Title: >Is suddenly hiding and being secretive over their phone the ultimate red flag?
Post by: whoneedsleep on January 14, 2020, 11:22:38 PM

Recently my relationship has been going downhill - increased fights, lack of caring on her part, less interest, less sex, etc. So I started to get a feeling that she was talking to guys behind my back.

In the last few days, she has become SUPER vigilant about protecting her phone, not letting me see it, only showing me partial screenshots of conversations, not letting me grab her phone and look through it myself without her controlling what to show to me.

She goes through my phone ALL THE TIME, which I wouldn't mind cause I have nothing to hide... but it's a ridiculous double standard and gets jealous over the most ridiculous PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)... but if I try grab hers? NOPE! She will snatch it back off me, yell at me, rage at me, curse at me, until she gets it back. She even ran out of the shower dripping wet just to stop me from grabbing her phone that was laying on the desk... this was the biggest red flag I've seen so far.

I love giving people the benefit of the doubt but she is definitely hiding *something*. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say it was just something from her past she is embarrassed of (that's what she claims) but it honestly doesn't feel like an adequate excuse.

She's always kept her phone facing downwards which is suspicious by itself, but I snooped at her phone many times when she was out of the room and never saw anything wrong. That's one of the only things that is keeping me from 100% saying she is cheating...

I would appreciate an outsider's perspective because I am emotionally involved and not thinking completely rationally.


Title: Re: >Is suddenly hiding and being secretive over their phone the ultimate red flag?
Post by: Foolish man on January 15, 2020, 04:44:17 PM
No one can say for sure if she is talking to other people, until you see proof.
My exbpd always used to hide her phone , face down , silent etc and she was talking to other blokes . Second time round at first she was open about phones , but then gradually became more secretive ... and yes again she was talking to the same person again ...
you could ask her outright why she is hiding her phone , explain to her how it makes you feel , but do you think you will get an honest reply ??

Title: Re: >Is suddenly hiding and being secretive over their phone the ultimate red flag?
Post by: 2Loyal2Long on January 15, 2020, 05:57:06 PM
Welcome to healing!  This is a very supportive site.

Sounds like you’re seeing the red flags.  No one can say for sure what she’s hiding.  You don’t know what you don’t know until you know.

If you can give more details about the relationship, how it started, how you all relate, specific instances regarding interactions, it will help those with more experience ‘see’ what maybe you’re missing.  It’s hard to see a situation when we’re in the middle of it.

So glad you’re here and reaching out, everyone deserves respect and peace in their relationships.