Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: Suspicious1 on January 16, 2020, 06:54:32 AM

Title: I think some push-pull has started
Post by: Suspicious1 on January 16, 2020, 06:54:32 AM
My dBPD boyfriend got back in touch with me after five years of silence, and we've been dating for about two months. He was diagnosed and had DBT during those five years, and seems more stable (though obviously it's life-long). It's been as lovely as you would expect; this time round though, I'm much less invested than I was in the past, knowing how quickly it can all change.

For the first time, I noticed a very subtle mood shift from him this weekend. The trigger, I believe, was me saying I was meeting up with a male friend this week. He didn't say anything about it, but all of a sudden was chatting to some woman on his social media profile, making a date to meet up with her for coffee when he was due to be seeing me, acting all secretive about it, not being so loving towards me, etc.

I don't actually mind this; of course he can hang out with female friends if he wants. But I got the feeling he was doing it to try and provoke a jealous response. When I told him my meeting with my friend had been cancelled (not because of him, but for logistical reasons), all of a sudden he's cancelled the meeting with his friend too, and wants to spend the time with me.

So far, so clear (and well within my capabilities to handle). However, he's now behaving... oddly. He's still talking to me, but seems really detached. He's set up a date for us next week, but again, it's still all detached and a bit cold. I am guessing he's feeling a fear of abandonment, and I get that (it's possibly because I encouraged him to go out with his friend if that's what he wanted to do), but I also know that there is no point trying to reassure him. I'm tempted to just leave him to it and keep low contact until his dysregulation passes, but at the same time I don't want to inadvertently escalate it. Anyone got any tips?