Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: ThenDontRunIntof on January 16, 2020, 11:53:23 PM

Title: >So... Youre wrong about being infertile.. *NO YOURE WRONG!*
Post by: ThenDontRunIntof on January 16, 2020, 11:53:23 PM
I don't know what to write here, I feel like I'm violating his privacy or something by being on here in the first place.. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't want to go see a therapist because" he did that before and it was stupid" which is basically the same reason for doing/not doing/believing/not believing/liking/disliking every single thing ever. He "predicts the future" as I call it, by expecting the same exact thing te exact result as something of similarity to a previous experience of some kind from the last 25 years.. he's 30. Anyways, I don't even actually Know if he has BPD I've just been researching everything I possibly can about things he does and how he dissappears for like days or "shuts off" for hours sometimes. And doesn't acknowledge, consider, understand, or realize I even have actual human feelings. Especially now that I'm 19 weeks fricken pregnant. Which he will not accept to be true because it is contrary to his belief of being infertile. And I know you might say well maybe he said that on purpose to try to trap you, but he's something but not deceitful.. at least not on purpose.  Idek anymore. But I do believe he believed he was never going to be able to have kids. Due to a childhood injury to the balls and his parents didn't bring him to the hospital until a week later and yeah infertility or something. Trust me, I asked a lot of questions. And he said well in highschool my gf said she was pregnant and i knew she wasn't or it wasn't mine so we went to a clinic and I got tested and I cant have kids. As I write this out it seems so effing stupid but it was like a three month conversation in bits here and there because he kept shutting down and thinking I was calling him retarded or trying to make him feel stupid.
I know, I absolutely know I should have used protection regardless but idk I feel like he would have never had sex with me because if I would have mentioned protection he would have taken it personally since everything is about him And everyone is judging him every second of every day... Sorry. I just have way to many fricken emotions about everything so add on top of it a vampire boyfriend with his humanity switch off and another baby, actually I think there's 2 in here ... I just feel it in my bones.. and uterus. Ha. No but I have a 4 year old boy and a 1 1/2 year old girl already with a narcissistic sociopath. Yep that one I'm definitely sure about. Well the narcissistic part not positive on the sociopath. Not about him.. back to this,  I haven't like flat out said the words I'm pregnant, in fear of his reaction or lack of or I don't even know really. But also I haven't been to the doctor yet either, and I know I need to take care of myself, especially if there are twins in here, and worry about me and yes I know and I will I promise, but I want us to be able to do that together. Basically, my question is, is this a lost cause. Hoping we can do this together. What the hell should I do?.

I don't even know if I did this thing right.. we will see. Thank you for reading my novel of a diary entry pretty much. And i apologize for any spelling, vocabulary, grammatical errors, and if I offended anyone in any way whatsoever by anything I might have said , please forgive me I am quite ignorant when it comes to all of this. I'm trying to learn.


Title: Re: >So... Youre wrong about being infertile.. *NO YOURE WRONG!*
Post by: Ozzie101 on January 17, 2020, 08:00:18 AM
Hi ThenDontRunIntof! Welcome to the family!

I can sense the stress, worry and exhaustion in your post. But you've landed in a safe space. We've all been there, to one degree or another and we try to help each other navigate these waters as best we can.

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. With two small children and another (possibly two) on the way, that's a lot to handle in itself. Add on a high conflict boyfriend... Yeah.

Sounds like your BF is very much into the black-and-white thinking that's so common with BPD.

How will he respond to this news? It's hard to say. A lot depends on him, his state of mind at the time and the way it's delivered. From what you say here, it doesn't sound like he's likely to take it very well. Especially not if he's got it set in his head that he's infertile. (Fertility is a complicated thing -- one of my undiagnosed BPD H's favorite phrases is "I don't do complicated.")

Now, you would have some sort of legal recourse if he refuses to take responsibility. Paternity test, etc. But I know that's a lot of legal hassle and it would be better if he could just accept things on the front end. And he might.

Do you think he'd be willing to go along with you to a doctor's appointment? Would a doctor affirming your pregnancy and explaining how, yes, he could actually father a child be effective for him, do you think?