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Title: No one fully understands someone else's thoughts Post by: SadtimesAZ on January 17, 2020, 08:36:44 PM Him telling you he doesn't understand the thought process isn't necessarily a negative thing. No one fully understands someone else's thoughts or what is controlling their emotions. Black and white thinking... My ex wife heard things as rejecting statements too. TBH living with my wife was exhausting with the range of emotions she would cycle through every day. Even when I understood where it came from I would have to think about what I was saying to her, what she was saying to me, try to pre gauge her reaction, then analyze her response. When there's triggers in something as simple as choosing what to eat for dinner and it ends up being an argument, it's tough. There is no clear cut answer but both sides have emotions and feelings to deal with in any given situation.
Title: Re: No one fully understands someone else's thoughts Post by: Cat Familiar on January 20, 2020, 10:56:07 AM It is so difficult when we feel we must preexamine every utterance to avoid triggering our partner. That lets us know that our relationship is on very shaky ground. At that point, it’s best to remember not to JADE or be invalidating. It’s possible for relationships to recover from this state, but it’s up to us to be the emotional leader. Not fair, not fun, but it’s doable and the result of having a much better relationship makes it worthwhile.
Title: Re: No one fully understands someone else's thoughts Post by: formflier on January 21, 2020, 09:45:56 AM I decided to walk away from "pre-examining" most things. If I'm about to initiate something important to me, then I'll think it through. Otherwise I try to say things directly...succinctly and it if happens to push FFw over the edge, I trust that I have tools to clean it up...or leave it to her to sort out. Best, FF |