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Well today has been one of those days, as I was getting off the bus to work I bumped into my ex with her new supply. The same guy she told me was just a friend, then later told me they had dated for a while…anyway!

Up until this point I’ve been doing good with NC after a slip up at Christmas, but my heart sank today, and all these feelings of jealousy and hate came back. All day my mind has been focused on the good times we had, and just can’t get out of this mind set.

Thoughts like…has she changed…is he better than me…why is she still trying to contact me despite me being NC and being with this new guy
 :help:

McLovin...please refer to my post to Teddy here...https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=342546.0

For the most part it will be the same sentiments. She did not change. She will not change. He isn't better than you. What you need to do...slap yourself first and foremost and practice DGAF! She is only trying to stay in contact with you for one reason and one reason alone and it isn't anything nice. You are a safety net and you would be being used as a pawn to make the other guy fight for her harder. Its triangulation. The other guy is too dumb to know any better. Let him pick up that tab...you paid your dues.

You had your turn of the doorknob now it is the other guy's turn. You opened the door and found out that going through that door is a one way ticket to hell. The good news...you survived and came back from hell. Now slam that door shut and reinforce it with titanium plating...move on. The other guy gets to go down the yellow brick road to hell...you my friend are Dorothy clicking her heels and saying there is no place like home...Wake up from OZ amigo.

Take your life back. Live well. Be free.

Cheers and all the best to you my friend.

-SC-

Hey fogle, No, she hasn't changed.  No, the new guy isn't better than you; he just doesn't know any better yet, as SC notes.  She's trying to contact you to keep you on the line, just in case things don't work out with the new guy.  Suggest you remove  yourself from this drama and get on with Your Life.

LJ

as painful as these things can be, and they are painful, they can also serve as a good gauge for where we are in our detachment process.

this tells you some work remains to be done. having no contact can give you the space to detach, but it wont do the work of letting go, healing, and moving on.

id be willing to bet that in a day, or a few days, you find yourself bouncing back faster than you would some months, or even a month ago.

use that opportunity.

Thanks for the comments folks, guess actually seeing it in person triggered a lot of feelings! Found myself looking back on the relationship with rose tinted glasses when in reality it was far from it.

This happens to me from time to time - not seeing but having to hear or speak her name because we work for the same organization.  It is rare enough that when it happens, it catches me off guard.

I agree with Once Removed

I see these moments as mini-snap shots where I try (as best as I can) to say to myself, today you find yourself here - tomorrow step in this direction.  I am understanding now that getting out of a r/s with pwBPD is a bit of a hike - not a just a power walk.

Hang in there.

Rev

I can so relate to it being a hike, i find that certains days the hike is a small slope then others well...may as well be Everest.

Mclovin...I am going to relate a quote from the movie Training Day here when you feel like its a Mt. Everest day..."King Kong Ain't Got SH*T On ME!" Think of that quote...say it to yourself. Hell beat your chest if you have to. Smack yourself and say hey I got this. For all intents and purposes look at it as you have scaled Mt. Everest successfully and lived to tell the tale and now you can snowboard down that SOB like you are Shaun White.

Head up good sir. Better times are ahead.

Cheers and best wishes to you.

#bropound

-SC-