Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD => Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD => Topic started by: songbird13 on February 03, 2020, 07:45:50 AM

Title: seeking out trauma
Post by: songbird13 on February 03, 2020, 07:45:50 AM
I always hear about bpd people that have had traumas in there life and how that affects their d/o
however my daughter sought out people with problems and got involved with them,  absorbed their trauma as her own and then would use the narrative when she would move on to another group of friends or counselors as her own
Is this common?... we really have a happy home, laugh every day and when she is with us she is happy but it's a dark world she has created for herself out there

Title: Re: seaking out trauma
Post by: Lost4Words on February 03, 2020, 02:01:47 PM
Hi Songbird, that's an interesting question. To some extent I think that my own daughter's behaviour is similar. In her case she has on the one hand sought out jobs which have allowed her to work for people who are victims of injustice of various kinds. She has worked in countries which people are normally advised to stay away from, for instance. This means that sometimes her work has actually contributed to a kind of secondary PTSD, because of the situations she has encountered. On the other hand, and at a more personal level, she does seem to absorb other people's traumas and somehow reproduce them in her own life, which is less positive.
It sometimes seems as though she thrives on drama. I have only recently begun to read up about BPD, and I'm wondering if this relates to the emptiness with people with BPD are said to feel: they need more dramatic experiences to feel alive?

Title: Re: seaking out trauma
Post by: StressedOutDaily on February 14, 2020, 10:59:36 AM

Interesting question...  I think my DD16 does this to some extent.  We are a relatively happy family - at least to outsiders :)

This summer when things were at their worst - we found out she was telling people stories about her life that weren't even remotely true...but did sound like similar situations to the kids she was hanging with.   She took off for a couple of days, and told people we had kicked her out,  she told people she had been sleeping on the beach, she told people we weren't feeding her, we couldn't afford food or we couldn't afford clothes for her, etc...    I think she was taking on those stories of the kids she was meeting and hanging around with maybe as a way to fit in?   

She has been in either residential treatment or a PHP program since August, and we have noticed that she still does take on the stories or "personalities", habits of some of the other clients that she is with.    I think it may be for lack of knowing who she is...

Title: Re: seaking out trauma
Post by: Done-er Stepdad on February 14, 2020, 02:09:09 PM
As a counter, my step daughter had a lot of support and love in her life and keeps throwing up implausible trauma scenario's, like when her grandmother died when she was eight with whom she wasn't particularly close to.

Or not being popular in high school, but she had plenty of friends and a doormat, good looking boyfriend who did her bidding. She only attended high school about 40% of the time, so trauma opportunities were fairly limited. she claims to have an eating disorder that comes and goes, depending on expensive restaurant availability.

Nor does does she seek to help or counsel anyone. She's pretty empathy-free.

Title: Re: seaking out trauma
Post by: Done-er Stepdad on February 14, 2020, 02:19:40 PM
An amusing (you gotta laugh or go mad) low point was when she was involuntarily committed and claimed that a large black woman had forcefully taken her hair scrunchy away.

Her mom pointed wearily to the top of her head, which was festooned with said hair scrunchy.

Title: Re: seaking out trauma
Post by: StressedOutDaily on February 14, 2020, 06:36:33 PM
Yes Done-er....humor is a sanity saver!