BPDFamily.com

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've posted on here, but I wanted to catch up on something that recently occured. I'm hoping it can provide some comfort or at least some guidance to someone out there who is currently seeking it.

It's been 6 months since I ended things with my partner. I shut down all communications. Did what I had to do to focus on myself and my healing. I think if you click on my profile name, you can find my older posts which will go more in detail of the happenings.

Anyways, after 6 months of silence, I received a text from her yesterday. She said that she loved me and hoped I was well. She then told me not to stress out because she had no expectations. She was grateful for eveything that happened and had no regrets. When I first saw the message come through I smirked, because I knew I'd hear from her again.

My first thoughts were A.) I'm not stressing out B.) still no apology for all the vicious words thrown in my direction and C.) no way in 6 months has she changed. I've been healing for almost 4 years now, and I'm just finally beginning to see the results of it. I went back and forth most of the day deciphering if I wanted to respond or not. Later in the afternoon, I finally did. I'm at point in my life where I'm not going to hold grudges, because letting go and forgiving is one of the most healing things you can do. I see her for what she was. A very hurt and scared individual. We have to have compassion and empathy for these people no matter how harmful they were to us. That doesn't mean staying in communication with them, but you just have to understand where they are coming from.

I kept my message short saying, I hope you are well and contuining to do what you have to do on your own healing path. Take care of yourself and your son. She responded with she was and manifesting all these great things in her life. While I wanted to believe it, I just couldn't. Again, not in 6 months. I didn't respond, nor do I intend to.

The point of all of this is, you're stronger than you think. I know how tough it is to walk away from something you thought was so real, but believe me when I say the world is full of beautiful people. Do the inner work, don't blame them. We attracted them for a reason, and a part of us was asking us to heal ourselves. While this relationship only lasted 7 or so months, I'd have to say it was a life changer in so many ways. For those out there that are struggling hang in there. Find a therapist, or a support group. Build up your inner strength and I promise, it will get better!

Sending love and well wishes.

Ryan

Hey Ryan,

 That's a great post and I'm glad to see you've not only gotten to a place of radical acceptance. But, that you've also become completely healed and the work you've put in allowed you to 'be the bigger person' in essence and respond in a genuine manner, and with indifference. Big ups to you.

 My question is you say you've been healing for four years - just curious to hear more about that, since you said you've ended the relationship 6 mos. ago. Glad to hear you're doing really well.

 I'm also putting in the work, and hope to reach the mental state you have soon enough.


-TD

i think it was a good message to send, gizmocasci. it let go with grace and class, and its the sort of closure a lot of us dont get.

when a relationship ends badly (and/or traumatically) one or both parties will usually want to close the book on a better note than it ended on...to say "im okay, youre okay".

im glad you got that opportunity.

Hy Try,

In response to your question, I had a 10 year relationship end four years ago. Looking back on it we just grew a part. Anyways when that ended, it really sent me into self exploration and discovery. Little did I know it would open up so much from my past.

I was shocked to find myself in such a turmultuous relationship (this past one), but once I was out of it I realized something, all the work I had done leading up to it, is what allowed me to eventually get out of it. Had I not been concious of my patterns in the past, there's a possibility I'd still be in it thinking that, "well this is just love!"

Can you believe I was actually allowing her at one point to start to question everything I had learned up to that point? I was even left questioning my own therapist? I bent, but I never broke.

Keep at it, you'll get there. Don't rush it, one day at time.

Ryan