BPDFamily.com

Hello,

I need a lot of things, but guidance and support during this time I am experiencing is where I believe I should start.

The situation:
My partner (Probably previous) is currently 8 months pregnant.   On 3/12/2020  she told me she was moving to Texas on 3/28/2020.  We live in Illinois.  I was shocked as this was the first time she even mentioned anything like this.  Less than 24 hours ago she told me she was leaving today.  She left an hour ago.  Still pregnant.  No home. No job. No family.

I am scared for a lot of things, but mostly for my unborn child.  I hired a lawyer in Illinois yesterday, however I am wondering if anyone here can tell me the importance of hiring legal counsel that specializes in parentage cases with BPD and if you can refer me to counsel in both Illinois and Texas.

And if you have any other recommendations for avenues I should be exploring, I am all ears.

Trying to find certainty in an extremely uncertain time.

AN

She may think that moving a thousand miles away will force you out of her parenting life.  She may not be aware that her moving away to another state does not put her in control of custody and parenting decisions.  She cannot establish residency elsewhere (for custody purposes) until she has lived there for six months.  So that gives you a limited window of opportunity where you can force the case to at least start in your home area.  Don't be intimidated by demands or threats otherwise.

Also, do not allow her to delay you starting a local domestic court case long enough so she can then get her six months residency in her new state thus forcing you to travel to her new home turf.  (Well, unless Texas laws are more favorable for you than Illinois laws.  Hmm, check that out.  Which state is better for you?)

Of course things will still be complicated.  She may have to be served court notices to where she has moved.  If you don't know where she is actually, that's a complication but an experienced lawyer should have ways of handling that.  And if you're not married you may have to start with proving or challenging paternity.  These days, and especially in the case of a sexually active mother, it's wise to prove paternity if there is even the least doubt of the father's identity.

You can find a lot of information about custody and proving parentage through the Texas Office of the Attorney General (OAG).   In Texas,  because you are not married, you have no legal rights until you have proven paternity (https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/child-support/paternity).  Unless she is willing to sign an affidavit stating that you are the father, you will likely have to get a court order for a paternity test.  The OAG's office should help you - they want to know who to send the bill for child support.

I'm not sure how Illinois custody and paternity laws work, and I'm not sure if Texas would recognize an Illinois custody order if you haven't proven paternity in Texas.  You will most likely want to find a lawyer in the county where she moves, if you can figure out where that is.

Have you heard the song "All My Ex's Live in Texas" sung by George Strait?  Long ago it was mentioned here that Texas is a better state for dads than Illinois, at least for that dad.  He had virtually no input in his home state of Illinois, was ordered to pay indefinite alimony and child support despite his minor child living with him.  When he was drained of money he and son moved to Texas and he filed as a pauper once he established 6 months residency there.  Illinois didn't like that because he chose to divorce there, which ended his Illinois alimony order.

I don't know for sure whether Texas is better for your situation, but often dads get a deaf ear in Illinois.  Determine soon which state is better for you.

There is also the possibility that she doesn't actually move to Texas that it is only a threat. This could be FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt)...maybe trying to pull you back into a relationship.  As always with someone with BPD expect the worst and hope for the best.

Panda39