BPDFamily.com

Hello. This is my first post. I want you to know that I am someone who is trying my best but someone who is human and has made mistakes and carried out actions with unintended consequences.

My girlfriend of 10 months has been recently diagnosed with BPD. We have reached breakup point a couple of times, which has hurt her immensely. She demonstrates the classic 'I hate you, don't leave me' tendencies. She tells me 'I don't love her', 'I am forcing it' or that 'I don't care enough' tens of times a day. This makes it harder and harder for me to show genuine affection as I feel as though I am almost doing everything 'for show', which seems to reinforce her beliefs.

I am exhausted and reached the point today where I asked her to leave. Her ex-bf picked her up. She has been switching from hysterical to accusing for the past few days so I said that I genuinely couldn't cope and that we should have some physical distance for a while. She has also said she wanted to leave a couple of times but then never does, so I had to be the one to be firm. She told me that she was definitely going to kill herself but she has done this numerous times before so I carried through with my decision. It later transpired that she had been kicked out of her home by her dad and is spending the night in a homeless shelter. I offered to come and get her but she didn't want to (understandably) and hasn't contacted me since. I had no idea this was going to happen but I feel like the worst person in the world right now.

I have reached the point where I don't know where reality starts and ends. The mood changes, partly caused by our history and partly by her BPD and partly by my actions in the past, have become unbearable and I feel as though everything I say is wrong.

I am not perfect and there are things I have done wrong (shouted at her, left her when she was at her lowest) and she is not a bad person at all but how she expresses her BPD is too much to handle right now.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate any comments, positive or negative.

Ive been there and I do feel your pain.  Before discovering this site, I thought our situation was unique.  Now, though, I read hundreds of men tell practically my exact same story.

This helps me.  I realize it isnt my fault, nor is it her fault.  It is the disorder.  Much like an epileptic would have seizures, a borderline exhibits these behaviors.  You cant blame yourself -- all we can do is to do.the best we can.  And the only reason we are here, posting this, is because we genuinely love them.

Sadly, most experts Ive consulted say.there is little to no hope of improvement.  Stay or go? I dont.know, but i do know that.just.being here, with all of you, is immensely helpful.