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Title: Some unexpected deep reflection. Post by: Imatter33 on March 31, 2020, 10:17:01 PM Boundaries in place do not cure my mom of dysregulation.
No contact protects me from my mother trying to use me as her cure for dysregulation. This feels huge to me to see this sentence written out. LC she could still attempt to use me in this way. I’m going to stay on this a minute. Feels like a profound reflection. I spent years of my life trying to be her cure. I became in this position originally, as a child who wasn’t allowed to play with friends, attend church, or even complete my hw if she had an emotional need of me. Into adulthood I was always her sounding board and did this so I could “earn” the love I wanted from her. And no i didn’t have the knowledge of BPD but even having it doesn’t change my nature of trying to empathize and “counsel” her. I’m still fried. Just fried. And to Zachariah’s point this makes me angry not sad! My mother doesn’t need me to be an emotional support. Why would I give her the satisfaction of more attempts to emotionally overwhelm me just to appease guilt? Title: Re: Some unexpected deep reflection. Post by: Face of Melinda on March 31, 2020, 11:56:34 PM This does sound like a deep reflection! For now you're protecting yourself and that's what's right for you now. Makes sense. To
Title: Re: Some unexpected deep reflection. Post by: Methuen on April 03, 2020, 02:51:23 PM Excerpt Boundaries in place do not cure my mom of dysregulation. This is true, but I don't think they are meant to cure the BPD. We can't cure our pwBPD, and neither can any of our behavior. What boundaries do, is enable us to protect ourselves better. Boundaries are for us, not the BPD. Does this make sense? Excerpt No contact protects me from my mother trying to use me as her cure for dysregulation. This feels huge to me to see this sentence written out. This sounds like progress! |iiii Excerpt I spent years of my life trying to be her cure. I became in this position originally, as a child who wasn’t allowed to play with friends, attend church, or even complete my hw if she had an emotional need of me. Into adulthood I was always her sounding board and did this so I could “earn” the love I wanted from her. Excerpt I’m still fried. Just fried. So while you are feeling like that, it's probably good to remain NC. This is when you should be looking after yourself...ie. self-care. Do some things that bring you joy. Learn a new hobby? Physical activity? Reading? A bubble bath? Playing with a pet? Cooking or baking? Excerpt Why would I give her the satisfaction of more attempts to emotionally overwhelm me just to appease guilt? You don't. Just do self-care while you are feeling like this. Maybe consider waiting to move to LC until you are feeling emotionally safe again. Don't rush it. |