BPDFamily.com

I have suffered with abuse hell from a BPD sibling. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression because of this abuse hell I endure. I hate it when some people in real life don't take it seriously. It's very serious to me and it's valid. Even an ex-friend with ADHD decided to abuse me even more, adding insult to injury.

Do you hate it when people don't take you seriously? How do you cope with it?

Hi, shield-me. Yes. For sure, I hate not being taken seriously. It was like that throughout my entire childhood and adolescence.

You’re dealing with a sibling, and this person has you feeling a bit unwound. We have something in common. I’m also diagnosed with anxiety. C-PTSD to be exact about it. I’ve also dealt with depression, but the anxiety has always overpowered it. I’m currently trying medication and it’s helping. I hate like hell to admit that, but I’m on anxiety medication. And it’s helping.

What is hurting you right now? It’s very obvious to me that you are wound up tight. Let’s loosen those springs a bit with some friendly banter. Sound good?

Yes, I struggled with this for years. My mother has BPD, and I tried telling my dad about her abuse and neglect because he was never home. But he'd never listen, and blame me, saying I needed to be a better daughter. No one but my therapist would listen to me because my mom is an incredible actress and puts on a show of perfection to the world. Now the cat is out of the bag, but the trauma in me remains. The memories. Honestly, what I have done is get an emotional support animal. He is a rabbit named Rocket, he is my whole world. Just tonight he cuddled up next to me and fell asleep for 45 minutes while I pet him. It made my stressful, depressive day have a beautiful ending. Pets can make a world of difference. Also therapy helps, talking things out with someone who will not judge or hurt you helps. Sometimes friends help but they come and go. Pets will love you no matter what and a therapist went to school to figure out how best to help you. They care.

Hi Shield-Me,


I think when people don't take you seriously, it's because they "can't" for some reason.

Disclosure- I'm not sure if you will like what I have to say. :(  My thoughts are based on my personal experience, and they're just "my thoughts", nothing more.
     I honestly suspect that when people react like this, it's because they may be uncomfortable with what is being said, and simply don't know how to help you or what to say.  Borderlines can be really abusive.  Telling those stories might be cathartic for us, but for the person receiving that info, it can be disturbing to hear.  I think that telling other people "our truth" about a parent or sibling can make the other person uncomfortable, and sometimes they don't want to hear those messages.  Also, unless they have a family member with BPD, it is not an experience they can relate to at all, so depending on the kind of person they are, they may try to empathize, they may be apathetic, or they may judge you.  In the best case scenario if they actually try to empathize, they still can't really be "present" the way you or I need them to be because they simply have not "walked a mile in your moccasins".  Most of the time they are more likely to judge you because their experience is seeing "the good side" the pwBPD displays in public.  I think groups such as AA are so successful as support groups because the other people there share a similar experience and "get it", and also because their support methods are proven .  So for these reasons, I refrain from talking about my uBPD to other people.  In a weak moment, I once shared my story with a close friend who even has a family member with a different diagnosed mental disorder.  Despite my friend and I being so close, I found it an invalidating experience because she had "prior positive opinions" of my mom (who she knows a little) and she just couldn't "understand" what I was saying because she has never experienced the kind of behavior we get from our pwBPD.  She really tried to be helpful and do her best, but she just kept holding out hope that the relationship with me/my mom could get better.  We all know a BPD doesn't just "get better".  She's still my best friend.  It's not her fault she can't understand what it's like for me.  Honestly it's taken me almost a year to understand myself after reading a ton of books, online material, getting T, doing "work" on myself, so how could I expect her to understand just by listening to me?  What I learned from that, was to get my support from my H (who gets it), my T (who is great), and this forum (people who "get it").    

I think you've hit the nail on the head here.  Figure out what works for you (eg T, pet,...), and stick with it.