BPDFamily.com

Hi, i dont have a specific question about my situation per say, but instead wanna share my experience and maybe listen to yours for some consolation.

3 weeks ago my bpd gf left me abruptly. (Only dated 3 months so she pulled the plug right after the honeymoon phase and its been hurting like no other) The big fight that ended all this now i recognize as her insecurity trigger. Im actually not sure it was the engulfment she felt. This is what happened. Because of lockdown we did a lot of phone communication. We were screensharing my phone and she saw my old dating contacts and also 2 porn images (for memes). She had voiced before she has issues with porn, and also infidelity. The next day she had a mini meltdown crying that she cant trust me. The day after she suddenly ghosted me all night. (We always let eachother know where we were going. She was very clingly, as expected) Comes back and tells me an excuse that she drove around 5 hrs looking for a restaurant to eat, alone. I voiced my suspicion, she blew up on me, then ended our exclusivity right there. Then keeps me on leash for 10 days then suddenly drops me at the same time she goes on a camping trip with her new crush who she was probably seeing since that night she went incognito on me.

Now i did a lot of searching for the past 3 weeks dealing with this heartbreak to finally see that she has bpd/npd traits, and this sudden breakup thats been one of the most shocking experience of my life is perfectly explained by the idealize-discard cycle. Maybe i am lucky i didnt suffer too much thru devalue period because i kept pushing her trigger to where she discarded right away.
(i am rather clingly too. And i couldnt understand why she suddenly shut the honeymoon phase off without suspecting that she was cheating). But it hurts. Its hurts so much because it was so intensely good at the beginning.

Sorry this turned out to be more of a ramble. Please let me know any thoughts and also id like to hear about any triggers that ended the idealize phase of your bpd ex.

Thank you.

It's hard to know what is the specific trigger that made your partner to devalue you, they will rarely tell you because most of the time they don't even know themselves, it can also very well be an accumulation of several things. These things would show her you were not the person she idealized and she would start having trust issues because of that (this guy is not who I thought he was so he lied to me about him being perfect, I can't trust him anymore).
If it can be of any relief, know that this would have happened eventually, even if you had been the best boyfriend in the world and to be honest with you, better sooner than later.

Thanks man.

Oh i remember now. It was about the issue with how many women i slept with in the past. Thats what she was crying about. She had told me early in the relationship and even during mere friendship that this stuff really bothers her and will be an issue once her feelings became serious.

Freaking hilarious how something of the past can be the obstacle of the future. Much like setting down a landmine behind you then walking backward into it.

This woman was near genius lvl IQ too. A savant at her high paying job. The irony...