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Title: My child with BPD is 52 Post by: Hopeful430 on June 15, 2020, 05:05:14 PM Dear Everyone,
Iv'e walked on eggshells for about 50 years. Now that I'm 72, I'm exhausted. My daughter Holly is 52 yrs old and sometimes act as if she's 16. I don't have the relationship that most mothers and daughters have and I've always felt cheated. My younger daughter was killed in a car accident 32 yrs ago and with her I know I would have had it with her. Holly is very intelligent, and I've waited and waited for her to start to want to get to know me. I know the love is there on both our parts, but because of her sister's death I feel she holds me responsible. It's a long story, and I also hold myself partly responsible. I'm just wondering why I have had this type of relationship with her for all these years. I just recently found out that she had been diagnosed with BPD and again I'm wondering why after 50 yrs it took so long. Can anyone help? Thank you...Hopeful430 Title: Re: My child with BPD is 52 Post by: Swimmy55 on June 17, 2020, 08:35:28 AM Hi Hopeful,
I am very sorry for your younger daughter's passing. I am not sure I can fully speak to the length of time it took for your eldest daughter's diagnosis. One thing to keep in mind is that you don't know if she was told this a while ago and couldn 't come to terms with it/ wouldn't accept it. The important thing is now you know, and knowledge is power. I would suggest reading up all you can about BPD as a first step. The second step is put yourself first. The third step is acceptance and a healthy dose of self forgiveness on your part. We couldn't know what we didn't know. We as parents guilt ourselves and turn over every event in our child's life to see if that could have been the cause of illness. The latest findings state there is a genetic component is involved in BPD. You also stated you feel partially responsible for your younger daughter's death. This is a massive amount of self guilt you are carrying . You have to permit yourself to know you deserve a peaceful life and you don't have to punish yourself continuously. ( I speak for myself as well). work on accepting your relationship with yourself as well as with your daughter. We BPD parents will not have the "normal" relationship , but we can accept the good points of the relationships we have. I do a gratitude journal to help me keep focus on anything good that is happening to me. One suggestion to start with is you still have a relationship with your daughter and that is great. She and you communicate with each other and are still in each other's lives. Be well and please write back. Title: Re: My child with BPD is 52 Post by: Hopeful430 on July 05, 2020, 06:56:57 PM Dear Swimmy55,
Thank you...Hopeful Title: Re: My child with BPD is 52 Post by: Huat on July 06, 2020, 01:23:14 PM Hi Hopeful430 :hi:
Glad you are still in touch here. How are things going for you? Bet there are good days...and bad days...hopefully more and more of the good ones, though./ For sure this is a long, difficult journey we are on. I relate to you more so because we are in the same age bracket...faced with living through these troublesome relationships with our daughters...not something we ever thought would happen in these "golden years" of ours. I always confess to being a work-in-progress but quite proud of myself that there has been progress...with me...but sadly not with her. If anything, her anger and her lashing out has accelerated in recent years. Because of that I have had to take steps to better educate myself on how to ward off elder abuse...know who to call if I feel she is going too far. Heaven forbid she would ever go as far as physical abuse (but who knows as I become less able to look after myself), verbal abuse is demeaning and it can wear one down. I urge you to keep sharing. Reaching out and helping others has been rewarding for me...perhaps you will find the same. I read in a previous post that you are (were?) seeing a counsellor for yourself. I hope you find solace in that...are able to continue on. We need to keep looking after ourselves, Hopeful430. |iiii ((HUGS)... :hug:...from Huat |