BPDFamily.com

My son is aware he has BPD.  Every time he makes an attempt to get help he seems to get worse. He often talks of suicide, but always backs down.  I know his friends think he is doing this for attention.  I know it is deeper than that, more a sign of calling out for help.  He lives 3 hours from me so I am always dealing with him via text.  He goes between crying about how useless he is to wanting to end it all.  He has never been abusive to anyone but himself.  He is very smart, has a phd in chemistry.  Up until this lockdown for COVID his job was his only stabilizing factor.  The catalyst for his past 2.5 year meltdown is a failed relationship with a girl who also has mental health issues, she is bipolar.  Without going into all the details she basically broke up with him on his dead father's birthday.  On and off for the past 2.5 years she has given him hope for the relationship and then pulled the rug out from underneath him by moving in with another guy.  To make matters worse he is self medicating with alcohol.  He was hospitalized back in April for a suicide attempt.  He started talking to a therapist and temporarily it seemed to help.  That all went south last week when she talked him into group rehab.  At rehab he said he wanted to drink himself to death and according to him everyone came down on him.  He is so broken right now and I have zero confidence in the mental health professionals he has been seeing.  Last night was a crisis.  I spent 2 hours talking him off the roof of his house.  This girl is moving back to his town and he can't cope with it.  I did not call the police, last time they sent 8 cop cars to his house and ended up tasing him.  Apparently the Iowa City police department does not have a crisis officer.  I appear to be the only person he is communicating with and of course I am walking on egg shells with him.  I am terrified for him and terrified of saying the wrong thing.  His therapist is a nice enough person, but all she says is he needs inpatient care...good luck with that.  He will not go no matter how much I try to get him to see that his condition while not curable can be manageable.  It is a mess.  He is a mess, and I am becoming a mess. 

Hi Techgirl!
So sorry to hear of your stressful situation! I live in Scandinavia, and my daughter (20) does not want to get help either, so THAT I know a lot about.
I just wanted to say that the treatment-policy for BPD over here, is to go for outpatient-treatment as much as possible (but of course inpatient in acute situations). DBT is also used here, but more directed against the self harming and the suicidal ideations/attempts. MBT (mentalization based therapy) is the main therapy form now, due to the observation that most of the problems for BPD-patients lies in the interaction between people.
It seems that there still is some stigma about BPD, also with a lot of therapists. It is a good thing that his therapist is a nice person. But I remember reading a quote by Marsha Linehan saying that if the therapist couldn't help you in one year, maybe it is time to try anotherone. Of course it is also risky, and it takes time to build a relationship with a therapist also. Anyway; thinking about you and crossing my fingers!