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I hit a very rough patch and decided to take my sister’s advice and make the trip to spend time with her. It was a good idea. I’m eating clean, hiking with her and having fruitful conversations with her. I feel much better.

I was at a very low point when I made the drive to stay with my Sis. So much so that being checked in to a facility was on the table. That measure isn’t necessary. Sis and I had a conversation after dinner tonight. We’re concerned that I will hit that low point again. I understand that. It’s become a bit of a pattern that I can’t ignore. She’s a psychologist and wants me to be evaluated which I’m completely open to. She has good resources out here.

I’m diagnosed with C-PTSD, but I wonder if there is more. Major Depressive Disorder, Bi-Polar traits? I’m a little worried about all of that, but at the same time I’d like to know so that I have that same focal point to work from that I did with my trauma diagnosis.

I have to return home soon. I have to go back to work and get the ball rolling for myself again. I’m putting a plan together and seriously considering going to college next year once things are in a routine and stable. I’m not happy with what I do for a living. I think that I should change that.

Society has got me down a bit. It’s hard to look at what is currently happening. It’s harder when the truth of it all isn’t truthfully represented. It feels more like a big, inevitable crash that will eventually happen. The only truth that I take from it is that people are being hurt and killed. Maybe Rome is falling once again.

I haven’t been on here since I made it out to my sister’s. I guess that I was missing the community tonight. I also suppose that I felt the need to post.

It’s good to hear from you JNChell, and it’s wonderful to hear that you are feeling improved.  It sounds like you are putting a plan together.  How nice that you were able to spend some time with your sister AND come away feeling better!  Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you are doing  |iiii

I'm glad to hear you are in a better place, both emotionally and physically.   :hug:

I am so happy for you and so proud of you. You hit rock bottom and are taking the high road. You sound so much happier. When we are abused as children and suffer from C-PTSD, we have to make sure that most of our time is spent in the most positive of situations and with the right people. I think you are on the right track, trying to find work you enjoy. I know for me, I needed a career and job that I felt good in, because I was living such an ongoing nightmare inside, that I could not tolerate spending most of my waking hours unhappy at work. It warms my heart to hear you have a sister that cares about your wellbeing and you enjoy spending time with. Through your posts here, I have learned what a caring person you are. We are here for you. Do keep us posted on how you are doing, as others have lots to learn from you. Plus we want to be part of the joyous part of your journey, if that is okay.

JNChell, I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better! I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you were ok. I’m glad the time with your sister has been positive. Please keep us posted - I’m rooting for you!

Methuen and Harri, thank you.  :hug:

Hi, zachira. I agree.  It's rough to stay in a line of work that adds to the negative side of things.  I'm figuring out how delicate situations like this can be.  You also mentioned surrounding ourselves with the right people. I was very bad at that for a long time. I surrounded myself with people that didn't really care about me. I'm not only talking about romantic interests, but people that I thought were my friends as well. I was very naive for a very long time. I cared about said people and believed that there was a solid bond in place. Well, there was unless I stepped outside of the bounds of the expectations that were placed on me. I'm not blaming anyone anymore. I get it. Hindsight produces a bit of guilt. I opened myself up to people that took advantage of me. The thing is, I was enthusiastic about it. I guess I was trying to find my place instead of creating my place.  Common trait of having   :cursing:y parents.  I appreciate your kind words.  That means a lot. 

I8kgrl, thank you.  :hug: