BPDFamily.com

Hey friends,

I’m sorry I keep making post after post this week but holy PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm), things just took a turn and I need all of your amazing advice, PLEASE.

Long story short, my undiagnosed BPD partner and I have been together off and on for 2.5 years. We just finished a split a few days ago and things quickly went back to normal and are feeling great. He made plans for us to hang out tomorrow and is really excited to see me again.

Sorry if this is going to be TMI for any of you but I’m absolutely in shock and need to explain everything: we hung out all yesterday and today. It was bliss. I just finished what I THOUGHT was a light period but I’m on the pill so I didn’t think too much of it. I did have really sore boobs even after my “period” which NEVER happens. I always get soreness leading up to my period and it goes away as soon as it starts. I also noticed I was having a little bit of indigestion and very mild nausea but again, didn’t question it.

I was at the store today and just thought that mayyyybe I should buy a test and double check. I felt like a total idiot because I had just finished my period and there’s no way I’m pregnant. Well, jokes on me because it came back positive right away.

I’m definitely still bleeding lightly though and I’m supposed to see him in the morning. I cannot tell you how scared of pregnancy this man is. He has a wonderful young son with his first wife but him and I are no where near ready or we’re we even wanting this to happen.

I had a little scare last year and when I told him there was a possibility, he shocked me and became really excited. We were both relieved when I wasn’t but I honestly was blown away by his reaction.

But every time before and after, the second I have ANYTHING mildly serious to tell him, he goes “omg are you pregnant?”

Hi!

I'm sorry, I do not have a lot of experience in this sort of thing (never had kids).  How about waiting until you have an 'official' test done before deciding on how to proceed with him?  How do you feel about being pregnant, apart from him I mean?

Harris's suggestion was what I was thinking also. Get a doctor's appointment, blood test confirmation, and some more info on number of weeks along. Then you can have a conversation.

Hi paperincart,

Just echoing Harri’s and GaGirls’s answers here - perhaps best to wait for a confirmation from a doc before telling anything to your partner.

Now,  :hug: - How do you feel  about this possible pregnancy yourself? Would you really :hug: like to have this possible child, and thus a life-long relationship with your on- off possibly BPD partner? How that life would look like?
Could you also imagine just to be a single mother, perhaps without any support?

Your relationship with the partner has not been very stable this far, so what do you think should happen that he would become  a stable partner and/ or father?

Just some thoughts,

And many many  :hug:

Vincenta

Thanks everyone.

I did end up telling him the next day. He took it wonderfully, much better than I had hoped.

To answer some more questions: he already has a son (6) and he is an incredible father. I’ve also watched his co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife flourish. They navigate parenting together and separately wonderfully.

Yes, our romantic relationship has been rocky but as we learn more about BPD, we are slowly, slowly navigating and figuring it out. I have no idea what a child would do for our romantic relationship but I’m confident we could figure it out either way.

I suspect we would set up a co-parenting plan and split the time equally (same setup he has now with his son). That way, we don’t have to put SO much pressure on our relationship by also moving in together and trying to raise a baby as a couple. But yes, even with all the difficulties, I know he is a wonderful, wonderful father and I would be glad to have him as the dad.

Of course I know it would be extremely difficult. Probably the hardest thing I’ll ever do. Even if he dropped off the face of the earth, I would be fine as a single mother. I know I could do it.

I think no matter what, this is the catalyst for change. Whether that change is good or bad- only time will tell. I think this is probably a good sign we both need to get in to therapy ASAP. This will be difficult to navigate no matter what happens without the help of a professional.


I really can’t say what will happen. Time will tell.

Thanks for all the hugs. Please keep them coming!