BPDFamily.com

Hello.
I am separated from my wife of 7 years.. After reading “Stop Walking On Eggshells” a couple of years ago, I finally began the journey to understanding the “insanity” I have been living in. I changed the way I communicated and learned to validate her feelings. I also began to enforce my boundaries lovingly instead of saying nothing to keep the peace. There seemed to be a positive change; she began to acknowledge issues from her past and her struggles but after a few months, would slip back into the old patterns. A year ago I moved out and legally separated. Again there was some positive changes, but a few months ago, chaos again. I have now broke off contact. Expect her to make contact to try to patch things up at any time-but because I firmly broke it off, may have triggered the abandoned little girl hiding in her and may never hear from her again.  Realizing more my own issues and how much I enabled the situation. Now having to rebuild my life; was the guy whose focus was managing his relationship, now getting my own identity back. Thanks.

Hey Bob, Welcome!  Your story is quite familiar.  As you suggest, the first step is to return the focus to you and your needs.  Get back to being who you are at your core.  I lost myself for a while there in my marriage to a pwBPD, which was not fun.  I pretended a lot that things were OK when they were definitely not OK.  No more.  Now I strive to be authentic.  Suggest you listen to your gut feelings.  "Become who you are," as Nietzsche put it.  You get the idea.  It sounds like you are finding your path again.

LuckyJim

This is important for you as a person.  You don't want to lose your humanity and self-worth to someone who will just keep taking and never be satisfied. 

My ex wants me to move in with her and become, for lack of a better term, her pet.  I wouldn't be allowed to have a life of my own, friends or my own, or pursue my own interests.  I wouldn't give in to that because it seems crazy and runs counter to my own well being.  So she got someone else.  A guy who for all intents and purposes is her pet.  He rarely leaves her house because he came from a different state and doesn't know anyone here, and he doesn't have job.  He just hangs around like a pet.  Still she calls me all the time and has something to complain about. 

I think that a lot of people with BPD don't realize that true love means helping them face the problem and find a long term solution instead of just enabling them.