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Title: Dealing with the aftermath Post by: grumpydonut on August 17, 2020, 06:32:40 AM Hi all,
Since being left for her co-cheater in March, my self esteem has slowly wilted away to the point where I no longer feel like a man. I feel worthless and not man enough for a woman. I have never felt truly masculine or the typical alpha man, anyway, but now I just feel so broken. Has anyone else gone through this? I know it became triggered when she cheated on me in June 2019, but it's just been getting worse. Title: Re: Dealing with the aftermath Post by: Lucky Jim on August 17, 2020, 10:02:10 AM Hey grumpy, I think it's normal to reassess one's masculinity in the aftermath of a BPD r/s, so give yourself a break. Get back to being who you are at your core. Strive for authenticity. Become who you are, as Nietzsche wrote. Suggest you listen to your gut feelings. I lost myself, too, in the course of my marriage to a pwBPD. When we parted ways, I discovered a small "pilot light" within myself, which was still functioning. I realized that part of my essential self was still there, and that I would be OK.
LuckyJim Title: Re: Dealing with the aftermath Post by: BuildingFromScratch on August 17, 2020, 01:54:54 PM Sorry you're feeling that way. I think these relationships are so abusive that they kill your self esteem in many ways, masculinity is just one part of that. Her cheating isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection on her. He wasn't "better than you", he was a convenient person for her to run to. My ex-BPDgf had some pretty messed up ideas of masculinity and would shame me into a box on it.
Post breakup I lifting weights like a mad man because I felt so worthless and emasculated. No matter how much I lifted weights it was never enough, I ended up thrashing my central nervous system and was crippled with somatic body pain for a couple years. Although I don't think weight lifting is gonna solve all your issues, and I wouldn't suggest going crazy on it, but some moderate weight lifting always helps me feel more masculine. Might help a bit. Title: Re: Dealing with the aftermath Post by: Goosey on August 17, 2020, 02:56:09 PM Ya it’s very tough to be emasculated by a pwPbd.
Just know your inner self. Your core values. You ain’t the monster you have been betrayed as. And the final devaluation in my situation was for her to attack our sexual relationship as under performing for her standards. I’m just typing big words to substitute what she really said. It’s just an attack. It’s childish. Never seem to have a problem just being human with others since she isn’t whispering venom in my ear. Life is kinda simple. |