Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: BodieBoo on August 26, 2020, 01:51:46 PM

Title: Three months no contact
Post by: BodieBoo on August 26, 2020, 01:51:46 PM

My ex of 20 years and I have been no contact for 3 months. To clarify, he has been stonewalling me for three months and told everyone he will  never speak to me again, let alone ever be in a room with me again. We suspect that he has been logging into my son's facebook account. My son never uses facebook, and when we checked the login information there were a couple of logins that were from the same city that my ex lives and works in.

My questions is, why is he doing this? Is he just trying to get information to hurt me more? Is he trying to keep tabs on me? I just can't fathom why he would be doing this when I have made it known he can text me whenever he wants.

Any idea's or similar experiences?

Title: Re: Three months no contact
Post by: JNChell on August 26, 2020, 05:24:36 PM
Could be both. Who knows? It would help to have more information and why you’re reaching out. Are you hurting? Are you ok?

Title: Re: Three months no contact
Post by: BodieBoo on August 27, 2020, 10:51:06 AM
I am just confused if it is him. Hurting, trying to understand why he would say he hates me and will never speak again and then might be stalking me on social media. Has this happened to anyone else?

Basically I feel a bit head PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)ed by it all.

Title: Re: Three months no contact
Post by: JNChell on August 27, 2020, 11:40:44 AM
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. Typically, with these personalities, they project their bad feelings onto those that are close to them. The smearing and cyberstalking sounds like a way for him to keep up appearances the best he can. It’s a hard task, but don’t let it get to you.

You know, I’ve had conversations with people about the good and the bad of social media. It can be good for information. It can be alright for blather and day to day things. It can also be weaponized to people. In your case, don’t look at it anymore. Try as best you can. If you feel like looking, post here. You mentioned “we” when describing looking.

New strategies are hard to conquer. Why do you think he’s doing this? You know him best and you deserve a place to lay down your own thoughts and describe why he does what he does. I say spill it my friend.

BTW, it’s happened or is happening to many here.

Title: Re: Three months no contact
Post by: grumpydonut on August 28, 2020, 07:50:13 AM
Hi Bodie,

My ex cheated on me, left me for that person 9 months later. She then stonewalled me. Since March she has:

- Tried to add my on FB with a false profile.
- Stalked my FB stories.
- Contacted my friends.

So yes, I have been through it.

Title: Re: Three months no contact
Post by: Goosey on August 30, 2020, 10:17:27 AM
It does seem to reach a point in the end of pure ugliness.
  I occasionally get a nasty email or blocked voicemail. I just mull on it then I do not respond... period. Let her let it rattle around in her head. Of course if affects me deeply but I won’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that. And it’s always an attack on something she perceives I am doing when actually it’s exactly what she is doing. It’s bizarre.
  I never did Social media. Just disliked the concept. That’s just me though. This forum is my first. I made one mistake of having someone check a site I got word she was on. That set me back when it was verified. I shouldn’t have subjected myself to that.
  I don’t take it personal as much as possible. I realize she is mentally ill.