BPDFamily.com

Dear all!

I am back now since my last post almost nine months ago.

I have in the meantime worked hard on myself and stayed in no
contact. I have read much about BPD for getting a clearer picture
about persons with BPD traits in a relationship and how to handle
this situation.

During that time I did regularly sports, did my work and hobbies and
managed in that area to "get back in normal modus".

But the pain is still deep and from time to time ( I would say each 2 months ) I get short flashbacks which just last one till three days.
Then all my memories and the pain comes out again. The central question is always: "How can a person who adored you and loved you one day just cut you completely off the other day and nearly hate you?"
This is coming up when I get these flashbacks.

Has anyone an idea how to handle these? What is your advice?

I always say to myself "it is not YOU - it is her situation / mental illness".
"You have to be strong - otherwise TWO persons loose control and you
will get dragged down as well".

I found out more: She is probably bisexual and started relationships with woman again directly under the breakup. This could as well explain her pending, her instability and unclear identity. She never told me about
that she is attracted to women, too.

I did the following: At christmans and at her birthday I sent her a nice handwritten card. Just stating that I stand behind her and that I will always be there for her. No pressure...I say to myself. Send her from time to time these signs and maybe one day she will realize that I really care about her.

In the meantime I could handle this very well, just these flashbacks occur from time to time. I know that this is no sprint, it is a marathon.

Has anyone similar experience with this?

Looking definitely brings out things that are hard to see. I see something deeper. Do you still want to be with her?