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I’m struggling with my separation/divorce from my bod spouse, We’ve been married for 5 years, met and got married in less than a year, and we had a child a year after marriage. We had been getting in arguments this past fall/winter and I unfortunately found some messages of her entertaining someone flirting with her online. I got mad and we worked through it but unfortunately it repeated itself 3 more times, with that came worse fights due to resentment and feelings of betrayal, the fights were loud and clearly affecting our 3 year old, at the end of the year we decided to separate and I moved out on New Year’s Day. Later I was accused of abandoning her when it was a mutual decision, I take care of my child very well so there is absolutely no abandonment in that aspect, but it hurt to have that finger pointed towards me, while separated we tried counseling once after I pressured trying it, that was a disaster and became a petty pointing match and we never tried it again. So it has been quite awhile since we showed intimacy, around 5/6 months. But as always the tables turned yet again as she explained we’re both at a better place and we should try again to fix things. It’s been a vicious cycle and I know in my mind divorce is best for both of us and most importantly our child... but waves of heartbreak and fond memories come and go and many times flood my boat into depression, which is slowly getting better and shorter episodes but I still put myself through pain in my thinking. I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or what advice if need but I really just needed an outlet to vent to someone who might understand and have some encouraging words, thank you for reading!

Whether you’re considering a recycle or beginning the divorce process, I’m going to move your post to the Bettering Board where you can learn strategies to communicate with less triggering of emotion and to calm things down when she does get upset.

Best wishes,
Cat