BPDFamily.com

Two months ago, we got a phone call from an Army recruiter. Our 20yo had been scheduled to ship out that morning (unbeknownst to us), had "done something" to stop that, and was currently at "a" hospital for a reason he could not share. After mass panic and scrambling to find him, he was actually at home, watching TV as if nothing was going on.

When we started asking questions (like "What's going on?"), we were shut out on all fronts. Angry expressions of: "If I wanted you to know, you'd know." "I have people watching out for me, and it's not you." And then, he just left for work. He didn't talk to us for two days.

Finally, about two weeks later, I had just arrived home from work and he casually said to me "I've been diagnosed bipolar. I'm on meds." For the next 5-ish weeks, I listened to him complain about the meds making him sick, how he couldn't eat, how he felt horrible. I urged him to reach out to his doctor. I offered to help in any way he'd let me.

Last Tuesday at 8:30pm, he sent a text to myself and my husband.  It read 'I need one of you to take me to the hospital. I don't wanna talk about why rn. Just need someone to take me. Please don't ask why".  I guess we did't respond fast enough and he came upstairs (yes, he was in the house) to verbally relay the message. I was reading in bed and he had the conversation with my husband. My husband immediately started asking what was wrong, as most parents would. Son finally exploded that he was thinking about killing himself and needed to get some help.

In a daze, we all headed for the ER.

Now, 7 days later, he's still in a behavioral health facility inpatient program. We just had our first family session yesterday (which was the first time we'd heard anything from someone at the facility, even though son had given permission.) Not bipolar, but major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder. As the psychiatrist went through the traits, and I could only nod my head.

We are "to blame" for all this according to son. He's now refusing all visitation and says that while he has no where to go, he will not return to our home. We don't listen to him. He "wrote us off" years ago. We put his brothers on a pedastal and treat him like trash (he's the baby, and his brothers would all beg to differ.) We ask him to do things he shouldn't have to do (like take the dogs out once, maybe twice occassionally, a day.)

So, I've been looking for resources. A friend recommended Stop Walking on Eggshells and I started it at lunch.

As painful as this is , I see a lot of hope here.  Your son is willing to seek out help and is getting it.   The blaming you is just noise the BPD/ mentally ill person makes.

My son went through phases where he stopped speaking to me - we are in an estranged place currently as a matter of fact.  My son first stopped talking  to me when he was in therapeutic hospital as  a teen.  I look at it like this- he was processing and needed space.  I  accepted the space .  I think your son could be doing the same thing. 

So glad you found us.  You are not alone.  Please write here as often as you need.