BPDFamily.com

I am joining this group because I have been in a relationship with a BPD for 8 years. During this time, I have experienced major blows to my self-esteem and becoming increasingly focused on helping my partner cope. I have also experienced quite a bit of emotional and verbal abuse, as well as seen physical damage to household items. We had a child in 2017 and since then, I have been more motivated to leave because he sometimes lashes out at our three year old and has a hard time calming down when he rages.

We are currently not living together, and we see each other occasionally with a mutual friend present so he can see my son. He is in therapy with someone who specialized in BPD but not really doing his work, and is also an addict. He is a very smart, beautiful, passionate and loving person; that is why it's hard to leave knowing he is not just his BPD.

However, right now he is not really answering my requests to communicate re: my son. I also am trying to support a mutual friend who is having him stay at his house. I referred him to this group so I hope he joins and posts. Also, I do much of the work to support us as a family, including any personal self-growth work. In conflict, it is turned on me, and that I am to do my work, which I have been since we got together in 2012, including 12 step groups, therapy, spiritual training, writing practice and gainful employment.

Mainly, though, my biggest challenge is separating for good, and not fearing him retaliate against me or our son. He has made threats to use personal information about me to secure custody of our son, even though it is from 18 years ago and no longer relevant. I am also afraid he might sabotage my new job, which would jeopardize my attempts to secure custody of our son. He has sent emails in the past to former coworkers and it caused some undue strain at work. I just know he could try and hijack it all. I pray for the best, and try not to worry, but he can be very vindictive.

Any advice or support is welcome. I am glad I am here. Thanks for listening, and know that anything I say about his BPD isn't from a place of judgment, but purely observational. I have experienced mental illness myself, and I also see a therapist for anxiety and have my own codependency I am in 12 step for, so just know I come from a place of humility.

Though it may seem counterintuitive, I’m going to move your post to the Bettering Board. Should you proceed with separating, it’s likely to incite more difficult emotions and you will need strategies to turn down the temperature.

This group is for members who are dealing with people with BPD, not for people who have BPD. Please keep your member name secret as well as your login info.

Best wishes,
Cat

Makes sense. Thank you and I appreciate your help.