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Title: Need Advice - contact Post by: srivili on September 22, 2020, 12:06:43 PM After months of abusive phone calls, I finally told my daughter so long as the calls are abusive and harsh I cannot talk to her. When we both are coming from a caring loving place, we can sit down and talk. She got mad and stopped talking to me for almost a week. I found the last weekend to be the most peaceful one with no contact. However, I am very close to her two wonderful children and I baby sit almost daily after school.
Should I initiate contact with her and be open to therapy along with my husband? I have been hurt a lot with the previous therapy sessions with her therapist which felt like her grievance sessions and to whiplash me. My therapist says to wait for her to initiate the contact as otherwise my limits will not be taken seriously. However on this site, I read that we the 'adults' should not wait for them to end the conflict. I am not able to decide how to move forward. She is going to therapy only for depression and anxiety and not diagnosed with anything else to my knowledge. Please let me know how you would approach a similar situation. Title: Re: Need Advice - contact Post by: Swimmy55 on September 24, 2020, 03:57:11 PM As hard as it would be, I would listen to what your own therapist is saying. IMO, it seems like you already made a move by reaching out ,only to be yelled at by her.
Title: Re: Need Advice - contact Post by: srivili on September 25, 2020, 10:44:52 AM Thank you. She reached out through her husband if I could watch the grandkids next weekend as she needs a mental break.
It was a hard decision for me to not be the crutch all the time. However, I yielded and compromised to watch the kids the whole weekend. I love the kids, but keeping them for 3 nights is a lot of work. I chickened out to say "No". Taking baby steps and not sure if this would considered sending 'conflicting messages' about my limits. Title: Re: Need Advice - contact Post by: Swimmy55 on September 25, 2020, 02:52:10 PM There is not guidebook for this stuff, is there?
Go by your inner feelings and your therapist's guidance on this new situation- and you are right, baby steps. My two cents added( and I could be wrong) :1. You responded to the husband, you didn't directly contact your daughter to ask if you could watch the kids. 2. As long as you are watching the grands because you really want to and don't feel used. It sounds like it would have been more of a punishment to the grands and to yourself by saying no just to make a point to your daughter in this particular case. |