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Title: First post Post by: Nancy101 on September 26, 2020, 11:58:45 AM Hi. My adult daughter is really struggling with her life right now and I feel grief and guilt. I have set some boundaries and my life has improved because of that. I can't find a way to offer support that isn't rejected. I'm not giving her money or shelter any more, but I still love her. I don't want her to be homeless.
Someone suggested I try joining Al-Anon (she's in AA) but I feel like the mental illness underlies the alcoholism, inability to hold a job, inability to get along with others. I guess I'm looking for other people who actually understand what I'm going through and can maybe reassure me that I'm not a bad mother. Title: Re: First post Post by: Huat on September 26, 2020, 11:25:01 PM Hello Nancy101... :hi:...Welcome!
So sorry to read about the problems with your daughter. In reading between the lines I am thinking you share quite a history with her. Seems, too, that you have taken positive steps in setting boundaries |iiii and life has improved for you because of that. Boundaries are not only important for you but they are for your daughter, too. Has your daughter ever been diagnosed as having BPD or, like me with our daughter, do you suspect that being the case because of her BPD-like-behaviours? Good to read that she is in AA...knows she has a problem and is making attempts at getting better. You write about the feelings of grief and guilt. The grieving we feel is for the death of the dreams we had for our future...the different kind of future we were going to share with these troubled loved ones of ours. The guilt is because we feel we should have done better for our child. I know that I did the best I could do...did better when I knew better...and I will continue to do so. Same for you too, right? What more can be asked of a person than to do his/her best? You want assurances that you are not a bad mother. That, Nancy101, is a label you put on yourself and consequently, you have to be the one to take it off. That suggestion you got from someone to join Al-Anon...why not give it a try? Nothing to lose, right? Now that you are here...hope you feel drawn to continue on. Here you get much needed support...and you reach out to give the same to others. You wrote that you are looking for other people who actually understand what you are going through. Well...here we are! Huat |