Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: Jay763 on October 11, 2020, 10:09:55 PM

Title: Iced out
Post by: Jay763 on October 11, 2020, 10:09:55 PM

I was with my (professionally undiagnosed) pwBP  for 4yrs and I live with my father  - caretaking/monitoring and it's been rough on the relationship because of me being tapped out, not present all the time, drained whatever by the time I get to the EX. So this made for fighting due to me being irritated, making him feel disconnected from me. I didn't realize all this while it was happening...I realized after the longest breakup we have had -1 month. It had been torture, I even took up jogging daily so I can run out my horrible feelings and cry about being a careperson and having my EX leave me, ice me out. It's covid and it's PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)ty timing...making it all about him, how he feels alone, not connected, he fights with me then says we don't get along.

In the beginning of the breakup, I stood up for myself and announced I am so tired of you breaking up with me all the time - well he ruminated on this for a week and we spoke on the phone and I said someday I would like another chance  - we should want to be better and evolve; he said he was manic and on a rollercoaster, putting my cards out and just sad; asked if I would go on walks with him and out to eat and I said of course (covid talk). Few days later, he texted me "Im not ready, I need to think things thru, I dont know how its going to be different or how I will be different" I said let's both take some time and go within strive for better reactions. So I reached out 4 days later and he was in a total rabbit hole saying he cant do this anymore and held me hostage to only texting. It has been horrible. I pleaded letting him know all of my realizations and how I can do better to have us have a strong connection and I have(now)  realized the toll caretaking has done to me. We have been (more me), going back and forth in text - trying to have him believe it could be truly different this one last chance (and how I have given him a chance in past; always taking him back). He is now the iceman. Cold in his text tone...it's horrible. Truly horrible. I thought I had him back and he just doesn't believe me...he is part of the problem too of course..but I explained alll of our triggers in my last message - no response...

And I ask myself; is this my life ? Covid, caretaking, bf leaves

Title: Re: Iced out
Post by: grumpydonut on October 12, 2020, 04:51:05 AM
Hi Jay,

Your situation is exactly how mine went. I found out later that she was seeing someone the entire time. Yours has used the same reasons and phrases, it's eerie.

I would definitely be very careful and begin to guard your heart.