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Title: Been living with bpd SO for a year Post by: Hope4zbest on November 24, 2020, 01:51:17 AM :help:
Not knowing what I was getting into as a naive man, I discarded all the symptoms that were being displayed when we started dating. A young early twenties gorgeous girl who is already divorced and with a child, who has lost custody to the father. The symptoms were mild at the beginning, I would find her in a depressed mode once in while, she goes all quiet and every word from her mouth would be soul piercing. I never really understood it for quiet a while, but after months passed I started following a pattern. By then, I have already seen tantrums that cause great discomfort- like breaking things in the house, storming out and driving dangerously, physical abuse (she can't really hurt me , I am much stronger than her I'm able to restrain her till she calms down ), my t-shirts being torn off my back, scratches and minor bruises on both parties. I started logging the pattern on my calendar and noticed that she exhibits an episode very 9 or 10 days , so I started setting up be cautious reminders on my phone and it worked perfectly. That is until I revealed it to her , she took it well and understood my situation BUT then the pattern changed the 8 days peaceful times shortened into 2-3 days , uncontrollable anger,self harm... followed . I feel exhausted. Every episode has its own pattern, she gets upset on simple things and starts to fuel it up, no matter how i react she responds in a negative way(I can see the hate in her eyes)--> tantrums --> physical confrontation --> self loathing and sadness --> you don't deserve this more crying --> passes out and has epileptic seizures --> wakes up and she is brand new all her love comes back, she regrets her actions and I start dreading the next episode. I am now absolutely sure she won't survive out in the world. After her divorce at 22 the path she took was alcohol and drug abuse followed by unprotected intercourse, now I have helped her stop all that but I fear I might start alcohol abuse myself. Title: Re: Been living with bpd SO for a year Post by: once removed on November 24, 2020, 04:24:53 AM it sounds like you could really use some support. im glad you found us.
it may be that she cant really hurt you, or hasnt at least, but physical abuse, especially over time, degrades a relationship, and it can escalate. i imagine it is something you would prefer werent a part of it. regardless, when there is a presence of physical abuse, it is generally very difficult to improve any other aspect of the relationship. its pretty much numero uno in things you want to nip in the bud if you want to improve the relationship. while you may have noticed a pattern in the chaos, so to speak, i would discourage you from getting caught up in it; i did the same thing. bpd is a disorder of emotions. its not like bipolar disorder, where there may be say, regular, predictable bouts of mania. its there all the time. the key, really, might be focusing on what exactly she is hypersensitive to, what triggers her. so, looking back on the times you recall, what led up to them? what triggered her? |