BPDFamily.com

So I started dating one of my friends that's been trying to get with me for a little bit now. He's the sweetest person ever but ever seen we got together I noticed I've been changing. I have always had identity issues. I don't often know who I am or who I want to be. I dissociate a lot and I often feel like real life isin't real. I always thought I had Bipolar disorder because of my drastic mood swings but my boyfriend who was actually diagnosed with Bipolar disorder thinks I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It is ruining my relationship and quality of life I really just want a diagnosis. I started therapy last week but that hasn't done anything for me yet. My boyfriend feels like he's walking on eggshells around me because what I may find funny one day will make me sad or mad the next. So it's pretty much a guessing game. I will get really mad and say awful things to him and I realize I don't want to be with him, because he deserves better but then I go back to him because I'll think he's the love of my life. I am beyond tired of crying everyday because I want to die but then the next second I am in love with life and the thought of death makes me sad because I don't want to leave. I feel like everything I feel I feel it a million times more than the normal person. I didn't realize these feelings weren't normal and I would often tell people I had bad mood swings until I started getting really stressed about school and all of this just got worse. I really just want help and I want to be mentally stable and not have a mental breakdown every single day. It is beyond emotionally exhausting and I feel like I am constantly on the edge and any little thing can and will set me off.

hi mylife12344,

its possible. we arent qualified to diagnose.

do you think your loved one has bpd traits?

I am not too sure honestly, he says he doesn't and he goes to therapy frequently. I just feel like he doesn't understand me and no amount of time repeating will make him understand.

Hi  mylife12344:
I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

I'm glad you have started therapy. It takes time and some effort on your part to gain a benefit from therapy. Have you ever taken an antidepressant?  It could be an option to try.  It generally takes a month to gain a possible benefit from these type of meds, but it could be worth a try.  Meds don't take the place of therapy, but sometimes they can help make talk therapy easier for you and set the stage for making improvements.

Your therapist is the best person to ask about a diagnosis for you, but I suspect they need to talk to you for a few sessions & maybe have you answer a list of questions.  It can be a good idea to visit a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and perhaps some specific treatment suggestions.  Therapists can generally make referral for that.

You might want to look at the list of the 9 possible BPD trait categories.  Most people, have a BPD trait or two, especially during stressful times.  Also, BPD traits aren't unique to BPD.  You might want to take a look at the "Diagnosis & Treatment" menu, within the large green band towards the top of the page.

You sound like you are ready to make some changes, and that can be a good thing.  You can't change your partner, but you can improve yourself with some help and guidance.  When you can learn to understand your behavior & learn better ways to interact and react, you will find that your relationship with your partner will likely improve.

First, it would be good to get you feeling better and learn ways to manage your emotions.  Be sure to ask your therapist for some techniques to manage your emotions.