BPDFamily.com

Suggested Reading for Members Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw  
 
Books for Learning and Healing
 
Survivor to Thriver Manual (https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/morris_foundation.htm)
 
The Survivor to Thriver manual is an essential guidebook for Adult Children of a BPD Parent, as well as for any survivor of physical, sexual and/or emotional child abuse or neglect. The 21 Steps are a statement of the tasks and issues that most adult survivors face during their recovery from child abuse. This 115 page manual is free to bpdfamily.com members.
 
Understanding the Borderline Mother (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=53779.0)
 
"the first book I ever read that truly described my mother.  It was a very emotionally hard read, but well worth it" -- a member
 
Many members describe reading this book as a powerful experience, reaching into their childhoods and bringing to the light things they thought nobody else could ever know. Profound and insightful, the book can be emotionally overwhelming for some. Take it slowly if you need to.

Above link also includes a link to a complete audio copy on youtube.
 
Surviving a Borderline Parent (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68021.0)
 
A manual for understanding the impact of growing up with a borderline parent and recovering from many of the effects; includes information and exercises, the review includes comments from the co-author. This book gives you the validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation) you probably never had, and gives solid, practical ways to overcome the effects of growing up with a BPD parent.
 
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=57139.0)
 
An extremely helpful book for adult children of BPD parents who are going through the painful stage of revisiting their childhoods with new understanding, on the path to healing. Important note: The author recommends confronting your abusive parent(s), which is not always advisable when a parent is a BPD sufferer. Whatever choice readers make about confronting a parent, the chapters on the different kinds of abuse and other sections will provide validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation), information, and comfort.
 
Healing the Shame That Binds You (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=107301.0)
 
For the adult children of BPD parents, an understanding of what the author calls "toxic shame" helps to explain the damage done by a parent whose illness caused him or her to view a child as wrong or flawed--and to find a path forward to healing.
 
The Gift of Fear (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=101561.0)
 
People raised in families with personality disordered members often never developed or lose their self-protective instincts. The Gift of Fear provides critical information and strategies for fostering in adulthood this life-saving awareness that may have been underdeveloped in childhood.
 

Articles for Learning and Healing
 
Article: Borderline Personality Disorder - A Clinical Perspective (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a103.htm)
 
Have Your Parents Put You at Risk for Psychopathology (https://bpdfamily.com/content/have-your-parents-put-you-risk-psychopathology)
 
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog)
 

Workshops for Learning and Healing
 
Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG” (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0)
 
Workshop - BPD: Understanding the Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61982.0)
 
Workshop: How a dysfunctional childhood affects our development (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=67281.0)
 
Workshop - BPD: Problematic mothering/parenting (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=65426.0)
 

Books for Coping with a Personality Disordered Relative
 
Stop Walking on Eggshells (https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/stop-walking-on-eggshells)
 
This is a self-help guide for family members and about family members. It is designed to help you understand how the disorder affects you and what you can do to get off the emotional roller coasters and take care of yourself.  
 
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/essential-family-guide-borderline-personality-disorder)
 
This book is for family members of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder.   It discusses five tools to make home life more manageable for family members, and more constructive for the person affected with BPD.
 
Loving the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents (https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/loving-self-absorbed)
 
Realistic and practical, this book assumes that, for whatever reason, you plan to continue your relationship with a narcissistic parent. By providing insight into the your parent's motivations and behaviors, it helps to depersonalize the hurt. It also gives very specific, concrete advice for how to protect yourself from your narcissistic parent.
 
A Balanced Life: 9 Strategies for Coping with the Mental Health Problems of a Loved One (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106988.0)
 
In readable, down-to-earth prose, A Balanced Life teaches family and friends what they can expect from those they love who have mental health problems. Tom Smith lost his own daughter, who was bipolar, to suicide, so he shares insights from personal experience that are helpful to any family member who is coping with or caring for a mentally ill relative.
 
Taking Care of Parents Who Didn't Take Care of You (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106987.0)
 
Very helpful for adult children of personality disordered parents who choose to provide elder care.
 
Toxic In-laws (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136015.0)
 
Useful resource for coping with a family in which personality disorders have created dysfunctional patterns. The emphasis is on understanding the type of behavior you are seeing in your partner's family and improving the situation by adjusting your expectations and behavior, over which you have control, rather than futilely trying to change your partner's family.
 

Articles for Coping with a Personality Disordered Relative
 
Article: How To Manage a BPD Relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a104.htm)
 

Workshops for Coping with a Personality Disordered Relative
 
Workshop - BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence (https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries)
 
Tools: US: Do not allow others to 'rent space' in your 'head' (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=74749.0)
 
Tools: How to take a time out (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=84942.0)
 

Books for Working on Ourselves
 
The Ultimate Guide to Transforming Your Anger: Dynamic Tools for Healthy Relationships (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106985.0)
 
People who cope with BPD family members are often left with a legacy of anger--underexpressed, overexpressed, or coming out at the wrong time. This book helps you to become more observant and intentional in your handling of anger, so it no longer controls you.
 
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106983.0)
 
Not just for women, this book is a priceless source for information on triangulation, and how anger and other bad feelings are passed from person to person. Although not explicitly about BPD, adult children of BPD parents will recognize family dynamics and get clearer on how a BPD family member can create chaos in other family relationships.
 
The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106982.0)
 
The genogram concept is extremely helpful to seeing family patterns across generations--where you fit in and how you can act to stop perpetuating an unhealthy legacy of personality disordered or other unhealthy behavior.
 
Codependent No More (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56458.0)
 
This book will help anyone who is thinking or feeling responsible for other people, feel it is your responsibility to help other people solve their problems, feel needy people are always attracted to you, and feeling unappreciated or used; or you have weak boundaries with the people in your life; you have dependency issues; poor communication; and low self-worth.
 
Full Catastrophe Living (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=113358.0)
 
Growing up in a BPD environment, we become highly reactive. Our emotions may be numbed or feel completely overwhelming--or a little of both. It is hard to solve problems and move forward with your healing and your life until you can achieve a feeling of calm and some "clean white space" to work on things. Full Catastrophe Living teaches the practice of mindfulness--taking an observer stance--in a simple and accessible way.
 

Articles for Working on Ourselves
 
Article: Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=55758.0)
 
Article: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a111.htm)
 
Article: Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56199.0)
 
Article: Ten Ways to Untwist Your Thinking (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56200.0)
 
Article: On-Line Cognitive Behavioral Treatment Therapy (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm)