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Title: Confronting the reality of the abuse Post by: AnonAnf on December 17, 2020, 05:12:28 AM I'm feeling anxious at the moment. I'm away that I am anxious because my eyelid is twitching. It will stop eventually, I've rode this path before.
Anxious because I am moving from denial and accepting the reality and the scope of the abuse from my wife. Today I stopped excusing her behaviour, stopped trying to justify it and labelled it for how harmful it was. She has stated to the police that I threatened to kill myself. I didn't - I asked her for support and let her know that I was having suicidal thoughts. I begged her for support, I broke down in front of her, I desperately wanted the same love for myself as I'd been pouring out for her. But she has rendered that event in her mind as I threatened her. She stated to the police that I threatened to kill her. I didn't - I said to her that separating was the right choice for us because I had gotten to the point of having those suicidal thoughts, and that I was scared for her own mental health - worried that she'd kill herself. She said to me that I was emotionally traumatic for her. "Emotionally traumatic for her" in those last week leading up to us separating because I was expressing my needs and my vulnerabilities. I recognised today for the first time that I ended up in a relationship with a woman who embodied the harmful traits of the people who abused me when I was growing up. This unfinished business of experiencing abuse as a kid from my brother and my Dad (both of whom had anger management problems and both of whom were perpetrators of domestic violence). I enmeshed myself with a woman who is emotionally ill and let her perpetrate domestic violence against me. From this point, I'm allowing myself to process all this pain and release it. I am making the choice to not go back into that relationship. I allow myself to be free from the opinions and beliefs of others - they weren't there, they don't feel the impact I suffer from. I'm even free from those who would support me in this choice - I'm not motivated by their opinion either. I make this choice for me. Title: Re: Confronting the reality of the abuse Post by: So Done on December 17, 2020, 09:07:59 PM Hello Anon. I'm sorry you've been dealing with all of this emotional abuse, and the fact that things have worsened since you shared that you were having suicidal ideation and were asking for support. At a time when you probably needed her the most, she not only wasn't there for you, she made things much worse. Amazing how they can do that.
BPD relationships can really tear you apart. I have been with my BPD-exbf for almost a decade, with several recycles, and it's wrecked me. But I'm away from him now for good, and working on recovering. Good for you that you're making this decision. Sounds like you are determined, and are standing up for yourself, whether or not you have support or criticism from others. Stay strong! Title: Re: Confronting the reality of the abuse Post by: icntblvethis on December 18, 2020, 02:27:53 AM It’s so so hard, I’m sorry. Godspeed
Title: Re: Confronting the reality of the abuse Post by: Mutt on December 23, 2020, 04:14:09 PM Hi Anonanf,
Wow you have a lot going on there. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Despite your hardships you have decided that you want a different path than your FOO. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts. |