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Title: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday. Post by: LostPossumleft on January 21, 2021, 04:29:13 PM Oops
Title: Re: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday. Post by: LostPossumleft on January 21, 2021, 04:30:35 PM Oops2
Title: Re: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday. Post by: Lucky Jim on January 22, 2021, 11:07:05 AM Hey Lostpossum, Your task is to let the blame roll off your back. Those w/BPD say a lot of hurtful things. Fill us in on your situation, when you get a chance.
LuckyJim Title: Re: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday. Post by: BuildingFromScratch on January 22, 2021, 01:59:14 PM I took years and years of blame. She'd twist everything in a million ways to make sure I was always blamed, and the only way we could resolve fights was if I said I was sorry, even when I wasn't in the wrong. Yeah, not doing that again.
Just realize all that blame is bullPLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm), she doesn't decide what is your fault, you do. Some things probably are your fault, most probably aren't. She was too fragile and disingenuous to take responsibility for her actions, and so she blamed you. You might feel beaten down by her, your self esteem low because of her treatment, then you become more dependent on her, and think she's more perfect than she is, and for that reason you might blame yourself more, to keep her "more perfect" in your eyes. Don't do it. Be honest with yourself about who was really to blame for each thing, and what was acceptable behavior on both your parts. Title: Re: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday. Post by: Lucky Jim on January 22, 2021, 02:19:44 PM Excerpt You might feel beaten down by her, your self esteem low because of her treatment, then you become more dependent on her, and think she's more perfect than she is, and for that reason you might blame yourself more, to keep her "more perfect" in your eyes. Don't do it. Be honest with yourself about who was really to blame for each thing, and what was acceptable behavior on both your parts. Nicely said, BuildingFromScratch. I would add that blaming is a way to get issues off the pwBPD's plate and onto yours, which means that the pwBPD need not take responsibility for his/her actions, because the blame has shifted to you (if you allow it). Don't catch this football! I have a saying (yes, many have heard it before): "Poison is harmless if you don't ingest it." In other words, don't internalize the blame and/or other hurtful things said by a pwBPD; instead, decline to take it on. LJ Title: Re: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday. Post by: Voudou on January 22, 2021, 11:33:46 PM I feel your pain. I really feel your pain. I have been broken. I have been faced with the blame and found myself apologizing and begging to not be broken up with. I am hoping, with time, I can be strong again. Please hang in there and please keep coming here. The stories and struggles have comforted me and have given me hope. Hope that if my relationship is over that I will heal and hope that if it continues we can find a way to balance things out using many of the tools I have found here.
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