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Title: Wife with BPD and looking for support Post by: MSUSpartan on February 21, 2021, 09:32:26 PM Hello. I am been reading a number of posts and a number of posts are exactly what I am dealing with. My wife has had BPD for a while yet lately has gotten worse. She gets extremely upset very quickly. The latest episode was she wanted to get another dog for us. We already have 3 dogs and really do not need another one. She took it as I was controlling and treating her like a child.
Also, the compulsive money spending is out of hand and a major disagreement between us. She is not working right now and she says her spending is to make her feel good about herself for a short time and then it wears off and onto to the next materialistic item. She continually spends more out of our checking account and then we do not have enough money to cover expenses for the month. That forces me to transfer money from our savings account. If I bring this topic up to her, she says I am controlling her and treating her like a child. I just found out she has been spending money out of our HSA account for items and now we have very little in that account for medications. I want to have a future where she and I can go visit our kids and their families and not have to worry about how we are going to pay for it or spend our retirement years paying off the tremendous amount of debt she is accumulating. Looking for advice or experience that others have experienced in this situation. I am reading up on BPD and how to navigate the rough waters to keep our marriage. Thanks for listening and will continue to seek advice from this forum. Title: Re: Wife with BPD and looking for support Post by: PearlsBefore on February 22, 2021, 01:31:56 AM :hi:
Welcome to BPDforums, glad to meet you, sorry you're here... Somewhere over the years I heard the adage that Borderlines like the idea of things more than they like things; sounds like perhaps that's your wife's issue with the dogs. She likes the idea of a new dog more than she actually likes the dog itself (as three others might attest). A major theme in your relationship seems to be this "You're treating me like a child"; in my experience I never heard it until AFTER we had children. Apparently until seeing my fathering skills, it never occurred to her that my caretaking was not actually just how true romance worked and husband-wife relationships don't normally require the same level of structure, compassion and home-education that can seem patronizing. She weaponized it plenty, trying to make people feel sorry for her to think she was being "babied" or "controlled", or shouting "omg if you're going to put me on an allowance just because I stole money for alcohol then that makes you a pedophile because I [verb] your [anatomy]" before voraciously doing so again to prove whatever point it proves to her. So be careful about the potential for that sort of nonsense rearing up if it occurs to her one day to try to hurt you. Interesting fact, after our first child was born she informed me that we needed to find a new name instead of "Dad" for the child to call me...because if she heard people calling me Dad then she was worried she would have even more difficulty remembering whether it was me or her father who was present. Yikes. Welcome to "DSYDIC: The Married Edition", we're all in this together. :wee: |