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Title: You just ignore me Post by: MilfordGranger on February 25, 2021, 07:38:40 PM I've posted about this in conjunction with other stuff, but looking for some direction on this specifically. Often times when my W gets into her rages or is focused on all the negative, it becomes a viscious cycle, I often don't know what to say because everything seems to turn into me "not caring", "not loving her", "her coming last", etc, so I tried to avoid the topic. I then get accused of ignoring her. I try to explain I just don't know what to say and/or I don't want to make her upset. She's essentially self isolated herself for months (while we're home), I'd say 90% of the time. Of course now I'm trying to keep her from our daughter or any other myriad of things. I'm at a loss. I can't break out of this cycle. To make matters worse we relocated 1500 miles from where she/we grew up an so she has this threat of basically leaving and taking my daughter (who she has always said we would do 50/50 and be amicable if anything happened, this was as a result of how nasty my ex is). I know there is a lot to unpackage which is why it's so hard to have a coherent thought to get direction. I'm trying to absorb as much as I can so we can at the very least get out of this crisis. :help:
Title: Re: You just ignore me Post by: ThanksForPlaying on February 25, 2021, 08:09:04 PM I hear a lot of these same comments. It often gets turned into "you only care about money" if I try to work for any time at all after sitting by her side all day. It plays into my own feelings of inadequacy and desire to please. I try to keep in mind that it's just not true, and that her own feelings about it will pass and change (often very quickly). I don't want to enable her abusing me with insults, but as long as it's just these illogical feelings, I just know that in 10 minutes, an hour, a day, they will change, and she'll deny she ever felt that way.
One interesting thing is, it's usually at least once a day that she feels like I don't care about her, and I used to think she felt like this for days and weeks at a time. But then I realized her feelings are flipping many times a day and I was just missing the "good" flips. So I try to catch the good times and run with those, knowing another flip is always coming. Title: Re: You just ignore me Post by: MilfordGranger on February 25, 2021, 08:15:12 PM I feel like it’s constant or weeks at a time right now, but as you said maybe I’m missing some of those moments. She clearly is having depression issues right now (and has for some time as well). Currently she’s on there are zero people invested in the relationship and it takes two and that it’s broken.
Title: Re: You just ignore me Post by: ThanksForPlaying on February 25, 2021, 08:59:26 PM I've had relationships where I decided it was broken and left, and I've been broken up with the same way. The fact that she's "decided it's broken" and still wants you to know that she's decided that, and "what are you gonna do about it?" suggests some bpd thinking.
Title: Re: You just ignore me Post by: MilfordGranger on February 25, 2021, 09:31:45 PM Yeah. Like I said I just don’t know how to break the cycle. She’s been texting and now is back to the you don’t even care, I mean nothing and I just don’t know how to respond because next it will be back to “see ignoring me again”
Title: Re: You just ignore me Post by: once removed on February 26, 2021, 02:15:25 AM friend, echoing what i said in another thread, it would really help you to commit to a path, and stick to a thread, and one issue at a time. drill down. focus.
you will not gain ground just throwing out a question. the only sense i have as a reader is that your relationship is bad, and you are stressed out. its hard to know where, or how to help. believe me: i know you are overwhelmed, and a great deal is going on at once. if you can drill down and focus with us, we can help you unravel this. |