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Title: Feelings frustrated with my fiance Post by: Pvd-idoc on March 25, 2021, 08:58:53 PM Hi,
I have a fiance who has bpd. It is something I was sort of aware of before we starting dating. Of course, that did not prepare me for challenges of having a significant other with those traits. She is a lovely, kind and empathetic person but her reactivity means that her mood can change very quickly and small disagreements/arguments can quickly devolve into shouting and and her subsequently breaking down. Of course, many times it's my fault too but it frequently feels like I am walking on eggshells. We moved together to a new city almost 2 years ago. We have several friends and have a nice little community but sometimes I feel isolated from my old life and family in some way. She also can be very needy emotionally and sometimes I just feel spent. But she often interprets me trying to make space for myself or interests as sign that I am tired/annoyed/bored with her. She is very self aware of her issues but I often suppress thing because I worry it might lead to a meltdown (her words) where she has panic attack of sorts, where she becomes extremely agitated/upset and express suicidal ideation. Again most of the times things are totally fine but I cant really share with anyone the emotional ups and downs I go through because it's not for me to tell other people about her issues which makes me feel even more isolated. Sorry for the rambling nature of my post but it's feel good to express some of the feelings. We just got in a fight after she spoke to her older sister where she thought her sister was being very condescending to her. I tried to be validating but I felt her response or feelings seemed out of proportion to whatever their interaction actually felt like. That made her very upset because she feel likes I always take her family's side and I think she also feels insecure that I am in someway more like her mom and sister who kinda bookish and nerdy like me. Anyway, I know things will be okay because she always apologizes when she is in the wrong but sometimes it's still hard Title: Re: Feelings frustrated with my fiance Post by: GaGrl on March 25, 2021, 11:03:10 PM Has she been officially diagnosed with BPD? What is her current therapy situation?
Title: Re: Feelings frustrated with my fiance Post by: once removed on March 26, 2021, 03:31:22 AM youve found a good place with people who understand and get it.
loving someone with bpd is a very tricky balance. walking on eggshells is not ideal. its not living authentically, and its no way to live, and ultimately, it can cause you to resent yourself as well as her. at the same time, being realistic, being pragmatic, being strategic, being mindful, are vital its a balance, and it will take some time to learn, and unlearn. theres a great article here that can help you get started: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship the long and short of it is that loving someone with bpd is a rocky road, but it can get better with practice and support. |