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Title: How do I do this? Post by: Pause on March 28, 2021, 09:27:21 AM Things have once again escalated in my house. My partner want me to take responsibility for him feeling not good enough. At least that what he asked for? I think he just wants to feel safe and I’m a scapegoat right now. Now he’s basically said we’re getting a divorce. He’s said this before but every time I feel like it’s more likely and possible necessary. I want to be supportive and I’m starting to think the only way to trust be supportive is to move toward separation if he’s goi g to continue treating me in such an u healthy manner. I’m conflicted about it though because he has done lots of work and is still doing work. He’s terribly afraid of abandonment and I know it. I think he deserves a committed relationship and I hope an can continue to be his partner but I’m scared he can’t change his need to blame and accuse and I won’t learn how to enforce boundaries better before we don’t have another option. Im scared and sad. How do I know I’m doing g the right thing?
Title: Re: How do I do this? Post by: Cat Familiar on March 28, 2021, 12:20:03 PM These relationships are difficult. https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship
People with BPD are not emotionally differentiated and don’t understand what is theirs to do, and what is not their partner’s responsibility. Asking you to “take responsibility for him feeling not good enough” is a good example of this. Should you try to do that, it would be impossible. The only way these relationships can be successful is if the “non” partner becomes the emotional leader and has strong boundaries. BPD is characterized by fleeting emotions, changing opinions, feeling victimized, and projecting negative emotions outwardly. As you’ve experienced, it’s not easy to be a partner to someone with BPD. Personality disorders are a lifelong condition. People with BPD can improve through doing DBT therapy, but only if they’re extremely committed. Unfortunately, not many are. Too many will give up when therapy touches places that are challenging and frightening. It’s a lot to consider, but please keep reading and learning more. Cat |